The Extraordinarily Unexciting Lives Of Bubala, Mumi & Max

I Am Also (Not) A Rock

2009-12-21T23:51:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, things happen
Things that I do not even pretend to understand
Things that leave me wondering
Why people sometimes come and go
Without so much as an explanation?
Shining with me on a Sunday
Only to be missing by Monday morning
Never to be seen again
Never to share a smile again
Or to reminisce about something
That we once had in common
Nothing
Nothing significant at all
Only a few fading feelings
Happiness turning slowly
Breaking
Crumbling away
Like so many other stone walls
Into piles of pebbles, dirt and dust
Crunching under my footsteps
As I trudge onward
In search of another wall
To lean my worn and weary frame upon
And when I think about it too much
Which I always do
I remember with great melancholy
That I may not be a boulder
But, then again
I am also (not) a rock

Unnatural & Possibly Perverted Obsession With Utility Poles In The Early Twilight Hours

2009-08-07T21:13:00.002-05:00

Crop Circles In The Carpet

2009-08-03T14:38:00.002-05:00

Sinking, Feeling...

Contemplating Existence...

2009-02-27T23:14:00.003-05:00

Everything exists at the same exact time. While I am typing this right now, you were somewhere else doing something else at the same exact time. And now, you are here reading this while I am somewhere else doing something else at the same exact time.

Everything is happening now. Only the now never stays the same. So, even though we were just each doing something different at exactly the same time, we are now both doing something else. Each of us in our own separate spaces, existing and interacting with space and time at the exact same moment. Influencing our environments in sometimes significant and other times insignificant ways.

Now, this all feeds into a recurring thought of mine. A belief that there is not only one world. In fact, as many people as there are in this world, that is how many worlds there are as well. There is my world which is not the same as your world which is not the same as anyone else's world. If there are six billion, three hundred seventy-five million, four hundred twenty-nine thousand, two hundred forty-three people in the world, then there are also six billion, three hundred seventy-five million, four hundred twenty-nine thousand, two hundred forty-three different and distinct worlds.

Even with all those different worlds, however, we are all completely alone at the same exact time that we are all together. Existing in our solitary spaces, manipulating the props around us. Affecting the Universe in our tiny little way. Spinning around in our orbits. Sometimes in bigger circles. Sometimes in smaller circles. Sometimes even in overlapping circles, but always in circles. Always chasing our tails. Always trying to get ahead of ourselves. Always trying to be the first in line. Always trying to get the last doughnut. Always feeling empty. Always feeling alone.

Always existing and, sometimes, even contemplating why?

Disappear...

2009-02-21T23:33:00.003-05:00

Ever notice how people sometimes just disappear?

I do.

I often wonder why they went away? I wonder where did they go? I wonder if they're ever coming back? I wonder if they're doing okay? I wonder if they need anything? I wonder if they hate me? I wonder if they hate someone else? I wonder if it was something I said, but I realize that it was more likely someone I said. Someone that I brought into your world. Someone not so pleasing to you. Someone not so pleasing to me. Someone else. Someone.

Slow Train Coming

2009-02-19T23:27:00.003-05:00

It's time to say something. If for no other reason, than to occupy the nothingness.

It's cold and windy. 25.7 degrees Fahrenheit.

I miss the summer. I miss warm days. I miss hiking. I miss bike riding. I especially miss riding roller coasters.

I want my summer sunshine back!

¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!

2008-12-09T09:51:00.004-05:00

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of a Taco Bell restaurant surrounded by a large group of Mormons?

They were all there with their Jesus name tags on and their shiny black bibles in hand.

I was there with Mumi.

So many thoughts flooded through my mind. So many things that I would have liked to have done or said to them. I got this grand picture in my head of how I would calmly walk up to them, after I was finished with my meal, and I would just start making out with Mumi right there. Right in front of them. Tongue and all! Or, maybe I would come up with some brilliant and clever thing to say about how they may have won this round, but the fight was not over yet and how eventually these two butt bangin' homos would be able to get married and that there was nothing they could do to stop the inevitable. Then, for good measure, I might flip them the bird or grab my crotch or grab Mumi's crotch or whatever.

Yeah, that would have been cool all right.

But, instead, when I was done with my meal, I got up and walked quietly past the Mormons, right out the front door and I got into my truck and I drove home.

And, for that, I am ashamed.

MILF's

2008-12-04T14:22:00.004-05:00

There are no MILF's in my life....

There maybe, might be a DILF or two...

But, there are certainly plenty of GATGILF's!!!

Yeah, I saw you checking out my junk today while I was on the elliptical trainer. And, yes, it was just a little bit tighter in my workout shorts today. Thanks to you...

Just Say No!

2008-10-28T23:04:00.003-05:00

I have been with my beautiful Bald Monkey for 12 years, 5 months, 12 days, 6 hours and 8 minutes. In that same amount of time, my brothers have been married a total of five times between the two of them.

I'm not greedy. I'll settle for one marriage in my lifetime.

If you live someplace where you can make a difference, then please do the right thing and make your vote be against intolerance and discrimination.

In California, vote no on Proposition 8.

In Florida, vote no on Amendment 2.

In Arizona, vote no on Proposition 102... again.

Crabby!

2008-10-01T20:40:00.004-05:00

At first, I felt a little sad for the cute little crabbies. I mean they were just crawling around, along the bottom of the Severn River, eating rotting dead things when they came across this great chicken neck smorgasbord. As they were chowing down on the chicken necks, suddenly there was a loud clang, and the doors closed up around them. Then, whoosh! They were hoisted up out of the water and dropped into my bushel basket.

Poor little crabbies!

And, then I tasted them...

Um... Screw you, you stupid little crabbies! You're my dinner now! Suffer in that steam! Cook faster! Cook faster! I must have you in my belly! Now!

Mmmmmm.... Delicious little crabbies!

Manly!

2008-09-27T18:48:00.002-05:00

See! Sometimes I actually do manly things...

In anticipation of having a huge tree removed, I decided to bust up the sidewalk a little bit. I started out using a sledgehammer to break up the concrete, but that proved to be just a tad too ~~heavy~~ manly for me. So, I went on up to the local Homo Depot and rented me one of them there jackhammers!

Now, keep in mind that I had absolutely no prior experience using a jackhammer. I had never even seen one in real life before, much less used one. I had heard some stories though, so I figured it'd be easy enough to figure out. And it was... Well, for the most part it was!

The first time I turned the thing on, it busted straight though the pavement and went down in the ground about a foot deep before I thought to let go of the trigger switch to turn it off. I also bounced it across the sidewalk a few times, shot some rocks into the air and into Mumi's unprotected eyes and even managed to almost drill through my shoes (and my feet) once or twice during the whole project.

Eventually though, I mastered the fine art of jacking off... er, jackhammering. I managed to bust up as much sidewalk as I thought was necessary to allow the tree men to get their job done successfully without beating myself up too much during the whole process.

Turns out, however, that the tree men didn't really need my help after all. They could have taken down the tree just the same with or without a sidewalk there next to it. So, I guess I totally busted up my sidewalk for no reason whatsoever.

Oh well, it made me feel manly enough. Even if only for a few brief, but excitingly vibrating moments.

Hey Mumi! What Did You Do On Your Summer Vacation?

2008-09-23T11:01:00.005-05:00

The Bald Monkey: So, Mumi, you've had a pretty busy summer, haven't you? Are you glad to be back at school?
Mumi: Well, I'm not actually in school any more.
The Bald Monkey: Oh. Okay then. What did you do on your summer vacation?
Mumi: Oh, lot's of stuff. You know... bike rides, concerts, amusement parks, the beach.
The Bald Monkey: Really? Care to elaborate on those a little bit more? (The Bald Monkey lights up a reefer and inhales deeply.)
Mumi: Well, last spring we went down to Orlando to catch one of the early shows on the 2008 Rush tour. We had 5th row tickets. Harry Satchel, the chicken guy and that new action figure I want for Christmas so much all played a great show. We also ran into John Wesley, the second guitarist from Porcupine Tree. He was surprised to see us there. The next day, Bubala and I went to Universal Studios, and I got to meet Curious George and The Man with the Yellow Hat. Then, we saw the Blue Man Group later that evening.

The Bald Monkey: Interesting.
Mumi: Then, in May, we saw The B-52s at The 9:30 Club and Duran Duran at Merriweather.

The Bald Monkey: How nice for you. (...exhale of smoke...)
Mumi: Then, in early June, we saw the True Colors tour as it swung through DC. I got VIP meet and greet 2nd row tickets for Bubala as an early birthday present. So, we got our pictures taken with Cyndi Lauper.

The Bald Monkey: How was that? Was Cyndi just the adorable little Betty Boop character that she always is?
Mumi: The show was great. The B-52's were awesome again. Carson Kressley tried to get me to go back to his hotel room with him. (Yucko!) Fred Schneider kept eyeing me over and pointing at me and saying things like "There's the G-spot! Pull the car over!"
The Bald Monkey: And Cyndi? What about Cyndi?
Mumi: Well, we got our picture taken with her, but she seemed a little too high strung for me to hang out with though.
The Bald Monkey: Oh? A bit of a Beeyatch?
Mumi: Yeah. Then, later that month we made our way up to Philly to see Rush. We didn't realize until we were there that Jimmy Buffett was playing a show at the same time in the football stadium right next to the hockey arena where Rush was playing. The parrotheads started partying at 8am so the party was in full swing with parrot hats and grass skirts and leis by the time we showed up. And, some of them were even nasty enough to say "Rush sucks!" as we walked by on our way to the show. After a three hour show, pumped up Rush fans exited the arena only to find out Jimmy Buffet fans got cheated out of an hour of their show because of rain! Ha Ha! To make it up to us for having to deal with asshole Jimmy Buffet fans, we were treated to an extended fireworks display (courtesy of Jimmy Buffett) as we made our way to our cars. Thanks Jimmy.
The Bald Monkey: All right!
Mumi: We also took a few trips to Six Flags America which is really close to our home. We went to the Baltimore Gay Pride block party which seemed more like bring your straight friends to the Gay Pride day block party. We didn't stay too long. The next day, we made our way to The 9:30 Club the see Fish play an awesome show. It's been about 8 years since he's toured the US, and it was great to see him back in action. (To those of you unfamiliar with him, Fish is a big Scottish bear of a man who used to front Marillion in the 80's. He‘s now a solo music act and an English screen actor.)

The Bald Monkey: I love Fish. He's like Sean Connery mixed with Henry Rollins mixed with strong vodka.
Mumi: Then, we went to Kennywood in Pittsburgh. It's a quaint little amusement park. One of the oldest in the country. We always have a good time there. That evening, Rush played a mind blowing show in Pittsburgh. The best of the 2008 tour, if you ask me. They may be old, but playing that kind of music together for 34 years can make for a band that is so tight, it's loose. Pittsburgh is also the city where Rush played their first gig with Neil Peart on their first ever major tour. There were lots of hardcore fans there like me.
The Bald Monkey: Sounds Rockin' (...exhale of smoke...)
Mumi: It was. In contrast though, the next Rush show we went to two days later was in Atlantic City on the 4th of July. The Trump Taj Mahal gave out the first ten rows of tickets to their customers (Not Rush fans!) who were drunk assholes who had no interest in Rush at all. They drank too much, picked fights, sat around and yawned, sat around and texted and fell asleep for three hours. All while this incredible burst of energy was in front of them and all around them. I was in the 15th row center for this one, and let's just say Atlantic City can't keep up with the Rush crowd.
The Bald Monkey: Oh well. You roll the bones, eh? they can't all be great.
Mumi: They are all great shows. The crowds sometimes leave a lot to be desired. Then, we went up to Sandy Hook, New Jersey to a nude beach up there. It was crowded, and there was this party going on where they were encouraging folks to come up and Limbo nude and there were some hot babes there (the girl kind) that were all body painted like in the 60's. I was quite comfortable naked. Bubala, on the other hand, had some trouble with his ever present raging boner, but there were enough huge guts, fat asses, dragging breasts, and sagging testicles to help to calm that thing down. We didn't get in the water. We just walked around and felt the sun and the summer breeze. Later that night, I went to my 40th Rush concert in Holmdel, New Jersey.

The Bald Monkey: 40 shows? Wow! Do you get a special badge for that?
Mumi: No. It's just another show. And, when you are talking about a band as old as Rush, there are plenty of folks out there that have seen 80, 90, 100 or more shows.
The Bald Monkey: I bet that they don't have girlfriends and that they live in their parents' basements.
Mumi: How do you think they can afford all those tickets?
The Bald Monkey: Then what happened?
Mumi: Then, Rush played their first US TV appearance in 33 years on the Colbert Report.
The Bald Monkey: Really? (...cough, cough...)
Mumi: Yep! Stephen Colbert interviewed all three of them at the same time (something that never happens anymore) and they jammed on Tom Sawyer for 24 hours. It went on so long that Bubala and I went to Hersheypark, had a great time and then saw another three hour Rush concert. The first time I've ever seen them without a roof over my head. Fortunately, it didn't rain. Then, we came home and Rush finished up the song on the next evening's Colbert Report!
The Bald Monkey: Wow! Was that it for the Rush shows then?
Mumi: Ha! Bubala wishes! No, there was one more show here at Nissan Pavilion and we had seats in trhe 4th row, center, right in front of Ged who sang all of the songs directly to me. At this show and at the Hershey show, the temperature was in the mid 90's. I probably sweated off 10 lbs at these two shows alone.
The Bald Monkey: So, the Rush tour was a lot of fun, huh? Was that it for concerts this summer?
Mumi: That was the last Rush show, but the next night, we made our way down to the 9:30 Club to see the Yaz(oo) reunion tour. Bubala is a big fan. I've been listening in one form or another since the early 80's. The show was very good. A lot of fun. In contrast though, I am still scratching my head thinking about the Rush shows where all of these straight guys are going crazy for a short skinny guy with a big nose. (Geddy Lee) And, at the Yaz(oo) concert, all these gay guys were going absolutely ape shit bananas for a huge hippotamus of a woman. (Alison Moyet) Each yields their own bit of musical magic but you'd think the gay guys would like the dude and the straight guys would like the woman.
The Bald Monkey: Yeah. I don't quite get that one either. Hey, you want a hit man?
Mumi: No, I'm good.
The Bald Monkey: I can see a bunch of black dudes that like big butts digging Alyson Moyet, but I don't see Geddy Lee being Raging Stallion material.
Mumi: No. I guess not.
The Bald Monkey: Speaking of that, did you and Bubala get into any of that Main Monkey Business this summer? Come on Mumi, give us some dirt. Some tawdry tale of sweaty summer monkey sex?
Mumi: Well, we did go up to Six Flags Great Adventure and had a wonderful time there. They have some great coasters there. My favorite is Nitro while Bubala prefers El Toro. Both are able to give you a feeling of euphoria similar to that of an orgasm. If you really want a tawdry tale though, through all of these trips, we played our now infamous game called “i-Pud.” Every time a song comes on the radio that is on your i-Pod, you have to pull your dick out. I have all the Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Beatles and Who songs on my i-Pod, so if Bubala finds a classic rock station, it's just a matter of time until they play one on my i-Pod. Turnabout is fair play though if we find an all 80's radio station. The thing is that Bubala doesn't ever want to stop playing the i-Pud game. Whenever we are just out at the mall and a song comes on, he'll say to me, "This song is on your i-Pod!"
The Bald Monkey: (...heavy breathing...) So? Do you whip it out right there in the mall?
Mumi: Ummm... no. So, the next thing we did was go to a going away party for our best buddy Greg. (The Bowie Cub)
The Bald Monkey: Where did he go away to?
Mumi: He was offered a job in Tampa, Florida. So, he packed up his boyfriend and moved down there where his folks are.
The Bald Monkey: Good for him.
Mumi: Yeah, but we miss him a lot already. We've started accepting applications for a new best buddy.
The Bald Monkey: Any good applicants yet?
Mumi: No. Nothing even close yet. Oh well! So, last month, I went by myself to see the reformed King Crimson in concert.
The Bald Monkey: Are they on your i-Pod?
Mumi: Yeah. Everything they've done. And, after almost 40 years, it piles up.
The Bald Monkey: Do you want to go and listen to music?
Mumi: Yeah. King Crimson was mind blowing. Tony Levin is back in the line-up playing bass and stick. Gavin Harrison from Porcupine Tree is playing drums with them too.
The Bald Monkey: Who else is in the band this time?
Mumi: Well, Robert Fripp is still leading on guitar and Adrian Belew is still singing and playing guitar and Pat Mastoletto is playing drums and percussion.
The Bald Monkey: So, is it true that there are more nerds at a King Crimson concert than at a Rush concert?
Mumi: There are more nerds at a King Crimson concert than at a Star Wars convention held at a science fair. The music is so intense though, so be afraid. In fact, you should be very afraid when the Crimson King raises his head.
The Bald Monkey: Because it will make everyone go screaming into the hills with their fingers in their ears?
Mumi: Not quite.
The Bald Monkey: Just Bubala?
Mumi: Yep!
The Bald Monkey: So, then what did you do?
Mumi: We both had summer colds for Bubala's birthday. So, then the next week, we went to Dorney Park. And the following week, we headed south to Myrtle Beach and the brand new Hard Rock Park. It's a rock and roll dream world you know. They have a Led Zeppelin roller coaster. They have a Moody Blues 'Knights In White Satin' ride that is like taking a hit of acid and tripping out as you ride along. They have very cool shows. (And, we never go to shows at amusement parks!) And, Tra-La-La Tra-la La-La! The Banana Splits!

The Bald Monkey: Did you say The freaking Banana Splits?
Mumi: Yes I did! And, they rocked us out big time!
The Bald Monkey: You are so lucky. You know I always had a crush on Bingo.
Mumi: Yeah? You want to get down to some of that Main Monkey Business with him, huh?
The Bald Monkey: Oh, you know I do.
Mumi: We closed out the summer at a Labor day weekend party hosted by our gaybors, Paul and Norm. Norm has a very unusual collection of huge signs from the old buildings around the Baltimore area. Businesses take them down and give them to Norm and he restores them and decorates his back yard with them. Lots of the Leon's crowd showed up for the party as well as more gaybors from the Glen Burnie area.
The Bald Monkey: So, now that summer is gone, now what?
Mumi: Well, it's still warm out and I'm still bike riding as much as I can. I am up to 278 rides around BWI airport. Now if each lap around the airport is 12 miles and the path leading from my house to the BWI loop is a mile how many miles have I ridden this year? Last year, I went around 315 times. Do you think I'll beat my record this year?
The Bald Monkey: Really. I'm no good with math man, but go for it. You still hitting the gym?
Mumi: Yeah. Three or four times a week.
The Bald Monkey: Any more trips planned?
Mumi: No. We have a few concerts left to see.
The Bald Monkey: Who?
Mumi: We are going to go see Laurie Anderson up in Princeton, New Jersey. She's doing her new Homeland performance, and it doesn't look like she's going to play anywhere near Baltimore this year.
The Bald Monkey: Cool. You know her and Lou Reed got hitched this year?
Mumi: Yeah. It's about time. We are also going up to Philly to see Shudder To Think at the TLA. The following week, they are playing in DC at 9:30 Club. We will be at that show as well. Anyone care to join us?
The Bald Monkey: Sure! I'll go. Can I bring Bingo from the Banana Splits?
Mumi: Well, I guess. But, there's one thing that troubles me now.
The Bald Monkey: And what is that?
Mumi: Now you know what I did last summer...

Don't Get All Jealous, But...

2008-08-19T08:44:00.004-05:00

Tonight, I am going to see The Wiggles!

I am so gay...

Little Birthday Bubala

2008-08-13T11:15:00.004-05:00

Thanks to everyone for all the Birthday wishes!
(Ha! Look! It's the same pose as my profile pic over there on the right!)

I Do Some Incredibly Stupid Things Sometimes...

2008-08-12T18:42:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up freezing. Well, not exactly freezing. More like shivering, I guess. I had a blanket on, but still, I was shivering uncontrollably. I checked the thermometer on the table next to me. It indicated that the air around me was a balmy and tropical 77 degrees. Not exactly shivering sort of weather.

Aw crap!

It didn't take me too long to realize just what was going on. I was getting a fever.

What the F?!?

I never get a fever. I never even get sick. How could this be happening to me? And on the day before my Birthday! We had plans to go to Philadelphia later that night. Mumi was supposed to see a concert and I was supposed to be going to a small amusement park in New Jersey to ride my 227th roller coaster. This whole fever thing just couldn't be happening to me. Not today!

I laid back down figuring that I would just sleep it off. Well, I woke up a couple of hours later, after quite a bit of that loopy, feverish kind of dreaming, and I took my temperature. It was 102.2 degrees. Ugh!

Upon finding out about this potentially concert ending turn of events, Mumi immediately went into "Operation Concert Rescue" mode. He high-tailed it out the door to the local Wal-Mart and picked up some Dayquil, cough drops and lots of vitamin C. He came home and tried, unsuccessfully at first, to ply me full of over-the-counter remedies. I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to things like medication though. I hate it. I prefer to let most illnesses run their natural course without any interruption from voodoo and witchcraft and whatnot.

I quickly realized, however that I was going to be taking Mumi to a concert in Philadelphia in a few hours regardless of how sick or well I was. So, I gave the OTC's a chance.

About an hour after swallowing a large quantity of Dayquil and too many vitamin C tablets, I was starting to feel pretty good. The fever had gone down to around 100 degrees. So, we jumped in the car and headed off on another one of our wacky adventures. Mumi was thoughtful enough to bring along a blanket and a pillow for me, so I could sleep in the truck and recover during the concert.

Um, what?

Sleep in the truck when there is a roller coaster that I have never ridden before less than 30 miles away? Are you smoking crack, Mumi? There would be no sleeping in the truck tonight! I dumped Mumi off at the concert venue and took off down the road to Clementon Lake Amusement Park in Clementon, NJ.

I got there about an hour before the park was scheduled to close. I took my temperature again in the truck. It was 101 degrees. Hmmmm... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go ride a roller coaster right now. What if I passed out or threw up on the ride or worse? Oh well, no time to be worrying about what ifs!

I purchased my ticket and went inside the park and walked briskly over to the Hellcat roller coaster. Fortunately, there was no crowd at all in the park, so I got right on the ride, in the front row, with no wait or problems. And I rode. Even with my feverishness and my wooziness, I rode.

Now, you'd think that one ride would enough, right? I had done it. I had ridden the coaster. Now, I could just go back to the concert venue and relax in the truck until the show was over, right? WRONG! I rode it again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Six times in all. Six rides on a rickety roller coaster in one hour all with me and my fever of 101 degrees.

I do some incredibly stupid things sometimes...

(Just between you and me though, I don't regret it. It put a huge smile on my face for the whole hour. I would do it all again, the same exact way. I wouldn't change a thing.)

Letting The Days Go By...

2008-08-04T21:13:00.002-05:00

It's not that nothing is happening.

It's just that nothing is happening that seems worth blogging about.

"In Memory Of"

2008-07-23T21:57:00.004-05:00

We didn't know him too well. We met him at Denny's one night. He was the manager there. We went in for dinner. We had never been there before. Right away though, we knew that he was gay. He gave us that look. You might know the one. The look that says, "Hey, I'm gay. You are too, aren't you?"

A couple of days after we met him, I came across his profile on an online chat site. We chatted some. Just small talk. Nothing important. We chatted a few more times over the following weeks. We even made tentative plans to go and have dinner together some time. Some place other than Denny's.

Then, nothing. Just like that, he was gone. I never saw him online again. I figured he was just really busy or maybe his computer was on the fritz or something. I didn't think too much about it, really. Until we went back to Denny's a few weeks later.

There, behind the register, hanging on the wall, in the middle of a wreath of flowers, was his picture. The words, "In Memory Of" circled the wreath of flowers in sparkling silver letters.

Greetings From Sunny Nude Jersey

2008-07-14T21:47:00.007-05:00

It started out as a trip to Holmdel, New Jersey to see Rush... for like the 46th zillionth time this year! Of course, I had to find the closest roller coaster to the venue and squeeze in a quick trip to ride it. Turns out that there is a small park called Keansburg Amusement Park only a few miles from the concert hall with a nice little roller coaster called The Wild Cat. It's a small coaster, but it's one that I had never ridden before, so I could certainly add it to my list!

So, I'm on Mapquest getting my bearings straight in anticipation for the trip. I'm looking at maps and roads and cities and stuff. The area we were traveling to is really close to the shore. Right on the Atlantic Ocean. So, I'm checking out the beaches when I happen across a beach named Gunnison Beach at Sandy Hook.

Hmmmmm... Why does that name sound so familiar to me?

A-ha! Now I remember! Gunnison Beach is a clothing optional beach. A nude beach! Oh, we are so going to make a stop at Gunnison Beach on this trip!

So, we set out on our journey on Saturday morning. We had a big day ahead of us, so we got an early start. Let me pause here for a moment to tell you a few things that I learned about New Jersey while on this trip:

EVERYONE in New Jersey goes to the shore on Saturday.
There is always a Bon Jovi song playing on the radio somewhere in New Jersey.
There are a whole lot of titty bars in New Jersey.
The radio stations that are not playing Bon Jovi songs are probably playing Guns N' Roses songs.
Apparently, left turns are illegal in new Jersey.

So, anyway, we get to our destination and based on signs telling us that "Sandy Hook beaches are full!" we decide to go ride the roller coaster first. It's a fun little ride, but it's just about all that the park has to offer. So, after 30 minutes or so, I'm ready to go and get naked at the beach. So, we hopped in the car and went off to our next destination.

We arrived at the nudie beach about a half an hour later. I have to admit, at this point, I was getting a little nervous. I had never been to a nude beach before. Nude hot tubs? Yes! Naked pool parties? Yes! Naked public beaches? Um, no! So, I have no idea how my little friend is going to react to being set free out in public on a beach full of other naked people. I'm also a little concerned about just what kind of naked people I might encounter at a nude beach.

My head fills up with images of hundreds of 90 year old ladies and men. All pruny and naked. Strolling along the beach. The ladies with their boobies dragging along behind them in the sand. The men with their scrotums doing the same thing. It's a very scary picture, and I was quite frightened by it.

Our short walk from the parking lot to the beach eased my mind some though. There were plenty of hotties going to and coming from the beach. Of course, that does nothing to calm my first concern!

We get to the beach, set up our chairs, lay down a blanket and immediately, Mumi strips! Naked! Uh-oh. That's not going to bode well for me and my little friend. He immediately starts getting excited about all of this. What do I do? I must think nasty thoughts! Think about vaginas! Think about vaginas! Fortunately, there are plenty of naked vaginas all around me, so it's not too tough for me to get that mental picture. My swelling slowly subsides and I yank my shorts off and stand there in all my naked glory.

Now, let me tell you how it felt...

Absolutely wonderful! One of the best feelings I have ever had in my entire life. Just sitting there with the wind between my legs. That cool ocean breeze blowing through my every (and I do mean EVERY) nook and cranny. It was so awesome. I loved it.

After warming in the sun for a bit, Mumi suggested that we take a stroll along the beach. Um, naked? I don't know if I can do that. What if I get too far away from the blanket and away from my clothes and things start to... you know... happen? I put my shorts back on for the stroll down the beach. I just couldn't take any chances.

So, we got back to the blanket and laid out some more. I checked out the sights. There were plenty of nice sights and plenty of not so nice sights and even some "that's surely gonna give me nightmares" sights! In case you didn't already know it, penises come in many different shapes and sizes... and colors too! There are big ones, little ones, skinny ones, fat ones, cut ones, uncut ones and even ones that are apparently inverted. Whoa! That was weird!

After sitting for a while longer, I decided that I wanted to go for another stroll. This time without my clothes! It was just something I had to do. I can't tell you why. I just knew that I had to do it though. So, I got up and slowly walked away from the security of my beach blanket and my shorts. I got all the way down to the water and you know what happened? Nothing! Nothing at all! So, I walked further along, down the beach, enjoying the fact that people were looking at me (and at Mumi) in all our naked glory. I was looking at them too. It was nice. I realized that I was finally right where I wanted to be.

I was at home...

I stood there for a few minutes enjoying this new found sense of peace and wonderment until Mumi said, "Hey! Get your shorts on. We've got a Rush concert to get to!"

Ugh!

Look At What Moved In Across The Street

2008-07-09T23:13:00.003-05:00

A couple of these moved into the house across the street:

Yep, college boys. Two of them. They sit on their front porch together, shirtless, in loose fitting athletic shorts. They run on the trail together, shirtless, in loose fitting athletic shorts. They do yard work together, shirtless, in loose fitting athletic shorts. Not that I noticed or anything...

The other day, we passed them on the street. I smiled and nodded. They smiled back. Mumi smiled and said hello. They said hello back and stared right at his crotch.

I wonder if they're gay?

iPud: The XXX-M Game

2008-07-08T22:14:00.003-05:00

The past couple o' weeks have been spent traveling the countryside, riding roller coasters and going to Rush concerts. Yep, it's another summer of Rush and Rollercoasters! Woo hoo! We're going to see seven shows on this leg of the Rush tour. Well, I should say that Mumi is going to see seven shows on this leg of the tour. I'm skipping out on a couple of the shows to pursue my own interests...

So far, we have been to four out of the seven shows. Orlando, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Atlantic City. We drive to most of the shows and that's a lot of time spent together cooped up in the car. As others have already so hilariously pointed out, traveling with one's partner can be a very trying and difficult experience. In fact, it can be a big 'ol pain in the ass!

In order to make our travels less stressful, we often invent little games to play to make the trip go by faster and to make sure we have something to talk about on the long drives. Like The License Plate Game, for example. The object of The License Plate Game is try to spot one license plate from each and every state during your journey.

Another game that we have played a few times is The Alphabet Game. To play The Alphabet Game, you first have to pick a subject, like bands, for example. Then, everyone takes turns naming bands in alphabetical order. The first person might say Abba. The the second person has to then repeat Abba and add a band that starts with the letter B, like Boston. The third person has to repeat Abba and Boston and then add a band that starts with the letter C. And so on. Believe it or not, it's tougher to play than it sounds.

Well, during last week's trips to Pittsburgh and Atlantic City, I invented a new game. It is called iPud: The XXX-M Game, and it is the most fun game we have played on a road trip so far! The iPud Game works best with XM Radio, but I suppose that any old radio station will do, so long as they lay lots of music that you and your partner like.

Anyway, we found some stations on XM that were playing a lot of music that we both like. Here's where the game gets fun. Every time a song comes on the radio that is also on on your iPod, you have to flash your partner! And, every time a song comes on the radio that is also on your partner's iPod, he or she has to flash you!

It is recommended while playing The iPud Game that you wear loose clothing with easy access to your unmentionables. Athletic shorts with no underwear are the preferred uniform. It is also recommended that you have some idea of what kind of music your partner enjoys. That way, you can search the XM channels looking for songs that you think are on their iPod.

Also, you get bonus points if you happen to find a song on the radio that is also on your partner's iPod just at the exact moment that a bus load of Christians heading to their mountain retreat is passing you on your partner's side of the car.

It's fun stuff. Try it some time. You'll see.

Who Da' (Wo)Man?

2008-06-30T22:32:00.006-05:00

The other day, a coworker asked me that question that eventually rolls of the tongue of every single uninformed, but oh-so curious, heterosexual male.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything," he queried, "but which one of you is the woman in your relationship?"

What?!?

My response was that neither one of us is 'the woman.' We're both gay men, for Pete's sake. We both have penises. Neither one of us has a vagina. If either one of us wanted to be in a relationship with a woman, then we certainly wouldn't be gay men. Duh!

Another nosy co-worker immediately disagreed with me and stated, very matter-of-factly, that I was the woman in the relationship.

"Bullshit!" I declared. "I'm the breadwinner in our family! I do all of the hard work! I clean the house. I do the laundry. I wash the dishes. All Mumi does is sit around on the couch all day in his underwear... watching TV... and um... scratching his, uh, balls..."

Whoa, hold on there now... Wait a minute... What do you know? Maybe I am the woman in this relationship.

Huh. Go figure!

Bicycling Can Be Dangerous!

2008-06-16T22:32:00.008-05:00

I was at work on Sunday night when I got the following text message from Mumi...

"Just got back from a bike ride. I had a little accident. I ran over a groundhog."

Um, what?!?

Being the ever caring husband that I am, I immediately texted him back and asked him if the groundhog was okay. The groundhog had fled the accident scene without waitng for the authorities to arrive though, so we can't be sure if he ultimately survived or not.

Mumi, on the other hand, didn't fare quite as well...

After rolling over the groundhog, Mumi jammed on the brakes, went over the handlebars and hit the asphalt. He must have caught his ankle on the pedal somehow because it was pretty torn up and bleeding. He had a few scrapes here and there too, but I think he's very lucky that he wasn't hurt even more. He's pretty sore, but he'll be better before he gets married! (We can do that in California now!)

In Other Dangerous Bicycling News...

I was out on the trail the other day pedaling along, and I saw Mumi traveling towards me from the opposite direction. Normally, when we see each other on the trail, we smile and wave and slap hands and that's about it. This time though, Mumi stopped me. He told me that he had just been attacked by a bird.

Um, what?!?

Yep, I had heard him correctly. He told me all about how a bird had just swooped down from a tree and pecked him on the helmet. Of course, being the skeptic that I am, I didn't believe him right away.

I found out that he was telling the truth a little further down the trail though when, as I was passing under a tree, I felt a little thud against the back of my bike helmet. I turned around and caught a glimpse of a Red-Winged Blackbird swooping down to attack me!

Of course I thought that it was all very hilarious, so I just had to stop and rest on a nearby bench and watch a couple of strangers bike by and get attacked too. I only wish that I had taken my camera with me!

Bicycling can be very dangerous!

Queer Eye For The Bald Monkey

2008-06-10T09:22:00.004-05:00

Has this man ever hit on your boyfriend? He hit on mine. That's right. Carson Kressley put the moves on the Bald Monkey! Carson was all like, "Wow! You're hot! I'm staying at the Best Western in Rockville tonight. Why don't you stop by after the show."

How about this man? Has he ever hit on your boyfriend? Well, he hit on mine! Fred Schneider gave the googley eyes to my Bald Monkey all night long! Fred was all like undressing Mumi with his eyes and blowing little kisses Mumi's way. Don't deny it Fred Schneider! I know you were!!

Has this lady ever hit on you and your boyfriend? Yeah, I didn't think so. She didn't hit on us either. In fact, she seemed a little annoyed at having to pose for this photo with us in the first place even though we paid several hundred dollars for the opportunity to meet her. That's why I don't really like meeting famous people for the most part. It kind of ruins it for me most of the time when I discover that they're not all that much like the public persona they try to portray. Oh well, live and learn I suppose.

A few more photos from the True Colors Concert featuring Cyndi Lauper and the B-52's...

If At First You Don't Succeed...

2008-05-21T21:28:00.003-05:00

I needed some time to digest some things. Time to reflect on the different directions that my life has taken. Time to question the reasons that my life wasn't going in the directions that I was trying to steer it. Time to question the sincerity of friends, old and new. Time to question what is most important to me. Time to get reacquainted with Bubala, Mumi and Max.

I think I figured some things out...

In Loving Memory Of Peeky Turtle

2008-05-20T09:28:00.005-05:00

I was raking leaves a couple of weeks ago. The leaves that fell off the trees last Fall. (We have a lot of trees in our small yard. These things take time.) Anyway, as I was filling up bag after bag with the seemingly never ending supply of crunchy old brown leaves, I thought to myself, "You know... I bet I'll find a turtle in the yard under all of these leaves."

Mind you, I had no reason to be thinking this random turtle thought other than extreme boredom and possibly Oak leaf induced hysteria. You see, our house is in the middle of a suburban neighborhood with no woods or forests around. The closest woods is about a quarter of a mile away. Also, the yard is fenced in on all sides with chain link fence and the neighborhood is surrounded by asphalt roads on all sides. Still, I became convinced that I was going to find a turtle in my yard under all of those dead leaves. And, I did. In a pile of really old leaves, under a bush, I uncovered an Eastern Box Turtle. How completely bizarre.

I decided to name him Peeky Turtle because he was very shy and didn't come out of his shell very much at all. He would just peek his little head out every now and then to sniff the air and assess the situation at hand. I continued to rake up the rest of the leaves, all the while wondering what I should do with my little Peeky Turtle. I thought about taking him to the woods down the way and setting him free there. That's where a turtle belongs, for sure. Then, another part of me figured that if he had somehow made it into this yard, then maybe this is where he belonged.

I kept an eye out for Peeky Turtle over the next few days. He seemed to be moving around the yard just fine. Every day I would come out and find him in another area of the yard. Must be foraging for food, I thought, so I let him be.

Then, one sad evening, I came out to look for Peeky Turtle. I found him on the side of the house, all four of his little turtle legs and his turtle head and neck stretched way out from his shell like I had never seen him before. I knew right away that something was very wrong. Peeky Turtle was just way too shy to be hanging around this far out of his shell.

I picked him up, and he was still alive, but not doing so well. He was limp and very non-responsive. I thought for a second that maybe it was just too cold for him to move around too much and that he would be fine once the sun came back out the next day and warmed his cold-blooded little Testudine body.

I immediately rushed Peeky Turtle off to the nearest woods and set him free. I figured that his best chance of making it through this would be in his natural habitat. Also, if Peeky Turtle was going to die on me, I didn't want to know. I let him go in the woods and told myself that I would never go back and check on him. That way, I could spend the rest of my life thinking that Peeky Turtle had made it though that horrible night. I could believe that he was just fine. Living in the woods, eating earthworms and doing whatever it is that turtles do when no one is around to see them.

But alas, the sun did come out the next day, and it shined down upon on the lifeless body of my very best turtle friend, Peeky Turtle. You see, I didn't keep my promise to myself not to go back and check up on him. The very next morning in fact, I went back to the spot where I had set him free the night before and found his cold, dead little turtle body right there where I had left it.

It made me very sad.

I miss you very much Peeky Turtle.

Cheaper By The Dozen...

2008-05-16T20:11:00.003-05:00

12 years ago, on this very night, I went out on my very first date ever with Mumi. We went to see Twister. Seems like only last week. Time flies when you're in love...

My Face Is Cold

2008-04-01T10:21:00.004-05:00

I talked about it for months...

I kept saying that I was going to do it on April 1st...

Everyone thought it was an April Fool's Day joke...

But, I did it...

I hate it already.

My face is cold!

Big Bad Bob Bear Comes Out Of Hibernation With A Roar

2008-03-17T21:21:00.009-05:00

A two city field report for absent friends…

March 14 2008 The Philly Show:

I was laying on my bed after a long work week, very tired and crabby and wanting to spend the evening quietly by myself and with Bubala. Maybe I'll read a G.I. Joe comic, watch some Boomerang or play with Max. Now that I've been 41 for all of a week, these are the good times that I cherish. The down time. Even with Bob Mould tickets in hand, I was seriously thinking of blowing it off and just staying home. The thought of a two hour drive to Philly made it all seem that much more unappealing.

Then, I got to thinking. I've been going to Bob Mould concerts for over half of my life now. Do I really want to screw up that long chain of Bob shows just because I'm old and crabby? (Growing old, it's hard to be an angry young man!) Besides, if this guy can overcome his obstacles and get to a show to see his friends play, then I certainly have no valid excuse not to.

So, I pulled it together, brushed my teeth and combed my… um, never mind. I put on one of my vintage Bob tee-shirts (#2, Black Sheets. Notice how much the artwork looks like a CD long box! Truly a time period piece!) I had recently taken the shirt out of storage and washed it just for this occasion. Yeah, I'm the guy who wears the tee-shirt to the concert of the band I'm going to see. In my defense, if I didn't wear the shirts to the shows, I wouldn't wear them at all. That's why, almost 20 years later, they are still in such great shape.

Bubala and I made our way up to Philly in a couple of hours even though that stupid bitch on the GPS took us the long way! We made it to The Trocadero just as they were letting folks in. (Much too early, I might add!) The place was dead except for a few early birds like us.

The opening band, Halou, came on. I quite enjoyed them. They reminded me of a Norwegian Prog band called White Willow that I am quite fond of. The crowd seemed to pick up a bit and as Halou was ending their set, so we made our move to the front of the stage. I like to be close. It's just my thing. It makes me feel even more a part of the music. And besides, Bob is vision. Bob is sound.

The Troc has a huge 5 foot plus stage though, so the band would be towering above us. This drunk guy next to us said "I can't believe I'm gonna be this fucking close to Bob fucking Mould! Wooo hooo!" I figured that this was a good time to plug in the old trusty Hearos. I'm responsible. I use protection, so I'll be able to hear the next day.

The crowd had built up quite a bit on the main floor by the time Bob was about to come on, and the seated balcony area above was already full. The Troc is an old theater. I've seen a lot of good shows there including Bob at a seated performance on the Carnival of Lights and Sound tour. The lights started to dim and the cheers picked up as the four guys made their way out onto the stage. Before you knew it, we were off and running at a furious pace. The Act We Act, Good Idea, I Hate Alternative Rock… It almost felt like the air around us was going to crack. They were playing so fast.

There were quite a few surprises as the set progressed. Songs like Hanging Tree and Can't Help You Any More were taken out of storage like my tee-shirts. They even played an old Husker Du song called Divide and Conquer that I've never seen performed live before. There was also an extended jam at the end of Chartered Trips where Bob did some crazy intense playing. I'm pretty sure that I even heard him riffing on Dreams Reoccurring somewhere in there.

Bob was his usual frantically in control self, burning up his fret board and unleashing his furious demons before us all. This is in sharp contrast to that other side of him that we sometimes see as a local D.C. bud who drinks bottled water and is quite easy to engage in a conversation. Rich Morel was looking as handsome as always, just sporting a mustache now. I did have some trouble hearing him play from where I was standing right in front of Bob's amps. Oh yeah, both Bob and Rich have great looking arms. I'm a gay guy. I notice these things.

Jason did a fantastic job, and he's got some pretty big shoes to fill given Bob's past bass players. Jason fills those shoes well, however, and even has some room to wiggle his toes, jump around and sing back-up vocals too. New drummer, Rob Black, (I think that's what Bob said his name was!) did a great job holding down the beat at extremely fast tempos. I was very impressed.

All too fast though, the show was over and the band said good night. We made our way out to the merchandise stand and Bubala bought the new tee-shirts and that cool new lithograph of Bob's face which looks fantastic and even a little bit trippy when you look real close at it. We left Philly at 11pm, and we were both back home in bed in Glen Burnie by 12:45am. Not bad!

Philly Set List:

The Act We Act
Good Idea
I Hate Alternative Rock
I see a Little Light
Hoover Damn
I Am Vision I Am Sound
The Silence Between Us
Hanging Tree
Miniature Parade
My Favorite Thing
Again And Again
Circles
Paralyzed
Can't Help You Anymore
I Apologize
Celebrated Summer
Divide And Conquer

Chartered Trips
Makes No Sense At All

March 15, 2008 The DC Show:

Bubala worked on Saturday afternoon while I took advantage of the nice weather and rode another 25 miles around the BWI Airport on my bike. I was still all amped up and energized by Bob's show last night. So, with Bob's new album and a few packets of Sugar playing on my I-pod, I hit the trail. As I was cycling, I remembered, with a smile, what that drunk guy next to me said as we were leaving the concert last night. He said, "What a great concert! That's one I'll remember for a long time." That's kind of how I look at it as well. All the CD's and tee-shirts and posters are just the toys we collect while we're alive. It's the memories that you hopefully will be able to take with you when you go, so I collect those as well. That's why on Saturday night, we crossed over that District Line into our nation's capitol and went to the infamous 9:30 Club to watch Bob play it all over again and again.

We headed out a little before 7pm for an 8:30pm show time. This time, I would be displaying vintage T-shirt #1, Workbook. (Not for sale!) We arrived while Halou was playing. It was much more crowded than the Philly show last night. There was still a bit of space left up against the stage, so we made a move for our favorite spot. (Refer to the inside artwork of your Circle of Friends DVD case for exact location.) We stayed right there for the rest of the night. This show was much closer and in your face than the last time Bob played the 9:30 Club. There wasn't a camera crew or pit, and it was a 3 foot stage instead of that big tall one at the Troc.

It was an even better show than Philly. The DC show was a little longer also and Bob gave that much more, exhausting his voice a bit, which made him sound even better. I do so love that gritty, raspy, dirty Bob style of singing. This isn't slick airbrushed music, folks! This is the real thing. The show even included a surprise stage diver right between Bob's microphone stand and my face. It was a classic retro old 9:30 Club moment. It gave everyone onstage a laugh.

I guess because the new album, District Line, just came out, Bob doesn't want to play a whole lot of it just yet. He did the same thing back when he finally toured after the Hubcap album. I really like District Line a lot though, so I must admit, I was a little disappointed that he didn't play more of it live. There was a sense right away that the new songs were old friends of mine that I just needed to get reacquainted with. I have I-pod tested District Line at the gym and on the bike, and I really think that it's one of Bob's best solo albums. So, maybe if those of you who didn't buy it yet, go ahead out and buy it, and if we all keep listening to it, that will be a good excuse for a Bob Mould Fall tour! (hint, hint, HINT!)

DC Set List:

The Act We Act
Good Idea
I Hate Alternative Rock
I see a Little Light
Hoover Damn
I Am Vision I Am Sound
The Silence Between Us
Hanging Tree
Miniature Parade
My Favorite Thing
Again And Again
Circles
Paralyzed
Can't Help You Anymore
I Apologize
Celebrated Summer
Divide And Conquer

Egoveride
If I Can't Change Your Mind

Chartered Trips
Makes No Sense At All

A lot of performers find that playing shows in their hometown is more difficult than playing around the rest of the country. Not only because of the usual "Can you get me on the list?" requests from everyone and their Aunt Helen. There is also always that push to give something extra because you are not just playing for a bunch of fans in some other city, you are playing for your family, friends, and the community that you live in. I could see a sense of "We're home" on Bob's and Rich's faces since this is their DC Blowoff hangout. It certainly wasn't a chance for them to slack off though. In fact, on this night, these guys had to pull a double. Rock and roll concert for the dinner crowd and gay dance party for the graveyard shift. I hope everyone took a nap.

Bubala decided that he was too tired to stay out late, so we decided, much to my dismay, to pass on Blowoff this month. I had wanted to thank Bob for such a great weekend. Ah well! That gives me an extra month to work off this winter gut so I can take my shirt off next month. Woo Hoo!

Now, as I look up and see how long this blog is, I am left with that feeling of why I gave up blogging before in the first place… "Everything I say to you feels stupid now."

Not Exactly Blogicide...

2008-03-10T18:50:00.002-05:00

More like a "Blog Coma" with orders not to resuscitate...

Ode To Blog

2008-03-02T09:56:00.002-05:00

I should have known you'd bid me farewell
There's a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
Now, I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
If I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide
For you, I'm just an ornament, somethin' for your pride
Always runnin', never carin', that's the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

The story's in the past with nothin' to recall
I've got my life to live and I don't need you at all
The roller-coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend

And I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

Oh, I think it's gonna be alright
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

lyrics by Simon & Garfunkel

Catch 22

2008-02-06T22:39:00.000-05:00

Mumi asked me a question this evening.

He asked me, "So, is the blog over with?"

"Blog? What blog? We have a blog?" I responded.

Wait a minute... Oh yeah! That's right. We do have a blog!

There are so many reasons for the lack of posts as of late. First and foremost, I have just been taking time off for me. Doing many things that I have been wanting to do for quite a long time. Nothing too thrilling or all that life altering, mind you. Just some simple things like cleaning house, minor home improvements and repairs, spending some quality time with the hubby, etc.

I also spent some time learning how to solve the Rubik's Cube and the Rubik's Revenge. With a little help from some cute little nerds on YouTube, I have learned how to solve them both. Believe it or not, solving a Rubik's Cube has been a lifelong goal of mine, so now I can check that one off the list. Next, it's time to try to bowl that perfect 300 game!

I have also been spending a lot more time with my nephew lately. He is 3 years old, and he loves me. In fact, he told me so on the phone just tonight. We go to Toys R Us, Target, Wal-Mart and all sorts of other cool places together. We buy toys and we talk about all of the cars that we see while we are riding down the road. He can tell you the make and model of just about every car that we pass on the road.

And, he will too. Over and over and over again.

"Um, Jay?" He'll ask.

"What?" I'll respond.

"That's a Chevy Malibu." He'll say.

He's always right, too.

Tomorrow, we are going to the auto show in Baltimore. I just hope that it doesn't put his little car loving brain into make and model overload!

I guess I am enjoying my time away from here. It is nice to get out from in front of the computer. It feels pretty good not to have the responsibility of coming up with something witty and entertaining to say three or four times a week. Sometimes, the responsibility of blogging makes me think that my life just isn't all that exciting. It's just seems so difficult sometimes to come up with good stuff to blog about.

Or, then again, maybe my life is just fine. In fact, maybe I have a wonderful life; One that is just overflowing with love and joy and happiness.

Of course, the only problem is, if I sit in front of this computer all day trying to to write about how entertaining my life is, then that won't leave me very much time to go out into the world and experience very much living at all. Will it? Then, I won't have anything exciting at all to tell you about next week.

Or, will I?

Hmmmmmm......

Have A Great One!

2008-01-26T09:23:00.000-05:00

Sadly, we will not be able to attend your 5th Birthday bash, but we just wanted to wish you the happiest of happy days!

You're only getting better with age.

A Breath Of Fresh Air

2008-01-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

On February 1st, the Maryland statewide smoking ban goes into effect. I, for one, am ecstatic! That means no more smoking at my place of employment. I do wonder what those chain smoking bingo addicts will do? Will they still play if they can't smoke? I guess that only time will tell. It is possible that I may be looking for a ~~new job~~ sugar daddy in the near future though.

The smoking ban also means that we can spend more time at our favorite Baltimore night spots like gay bingo! We will almost certainly go out at least a little bit more after the ban goes into effect.

Lucky The Leprechaun, Sprinkles and Dracula will be so pleased. As will all of the G.I. Mo's!

MALadjusted

2008-01-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I learned some things about myself. Or, maybe it would be more accurate to say that I was reminded of some things that I already knew about myself.

There I was, on Friday night at MAL Weekend, right smack in the middle of a hotel lobby full of hot, hairy, half-naked, homosexual men and I had no idea what to do. I have no gay social skills, you see. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to cruise. I don't even know how to introduce myself and say hello. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I assure you that it is completely true.

I also learned that, as far as I can tell, I don't really have any fetishes. Well, apart from a hairy man fetish. There were men all around me dressed in leather; men dressed in rubber; men dressed in uniforms; men wearing assless chaps and leather jocks. There were wrestlers, policemen, scuba divers, army dudes, rangers, an entire hockey team and whole herds of leather as far as the eye could see. There was even a man dressed up as a dog, mingling through the crowd, barking at random and looking for someone to pat him on the head and tell him that he was a good boy.

And, then there was me... In my blue jeans, white sneakers and my red ringer tee. Just as vanilla as can be. No leather harness. No diving gear. No police patches. I didn't even have any hankies in either of my back pockets. It was just plain old me. Shy, as usual. Afraid to approach or even look at just about everyone. Afraid of what, I don't know. Just afraid.

Having said all of this, I don't want to lead you to believe that I had a completely miserable time. I didn't. I was with my man. (The hottest man there, in my opinion.) I was with a few friends. I even spotted two Jimbo's in the crowd. A fake one and the real one.

On Saturday night, I got a little more bold. I was still in my jeans, but this time I wore a tight fitting black tee and black shoes. I even wore a jockstrap, a black one, under my pants of course. It made feel very sexy. Mumi says it even made me look sexy. That was very nice of him to say so. I practiced cruising, looking and smiling at as many hot guys as I could. Some of them even looked and smiled back at me. That was as far as I went though. I didn't work up enough nerve to actually talk to anyone. That was enough for one night.

Sunday night was the underwear party at The Green Lantern. Now, anyone who has read this blog for any length of time already knows that I love being as naked as possible, so an underwear party was the perfect ending for the weekend for me. (Hmmmm... Maybe I do have a fetish??) We stripped down to our skivvies and I did my best to hide my swelling of pride as we mingled amongst the other nearly naked hotties. It was a good time. I even managed to cruise and talk to a couple of guys. It was a big step for me. I was groped. I groped. I chatted. I looked. I was looked at. It was a positive learning experience for me. For sure.

I guess I'm slowly coming out of my shell. And, you know what? It feels pretty good.

In-N-Out For 2008

2008-01-17T10:11:00.000-05:00

I guess it's not too late to warn you about what's going to be OUT and what's going to be IN in 2008.

OUT in 2007	IN in 2008
Pornography	Live Sex Acts
Surfing The Internet	Going Out And Experiencing Life
Fucking Around	Relationships
X-Box	Thinking Outside The Box
Nintendo 360	Twister In The Nude On An Oily Mat
TV	Writer’s Strike
Physical Terrorism	Surrealistic Terrorism
Real Life Drama	Cartoon Drama
High School Musical	Foot Tapping In Grammar School Restrooms
Hanna Montana	Satan & Friends Summer Reunion Tour
Cobra	G.I. Joe
Prescription Anti-depressants	Exercise
The Focus On $$$	The Focus On Large Pectoral And Arm Muscles
Driving	Bike Riding
Rush	Rush
Tori Amos	Laurie Anderson
The Police	Led Zeppelin
Bob Barker	Bob Mould
Large Breast Implants	The B-52’s
Fighting Over Politics	Making Friends
Personal Conversations	Texting
Christianity	Darwinism
Evolution Of Technology	De-evolution Of The Human Race
Mom And Dad	Corporate Empires
Muhammad	Dr. Benton Quest
Buddha	Captain Caveman
Jesus	Norville Rogers
Civilian Deaths By Soldiers In Iraq	Civilian Deaths By Veterans In USA
Beauty	Ugliness
Caring For Those Around You	Death
Believing In God	Riding Roller Coasters
Calmly Handling The Situation	Freaking Out
CNN	Comedy Central
Political Candidates	Cartoon Characters
Trust In The Media	Faith In Hong Kong Phooey
Homophobia	Racism And Misogyny
Drugged Out Teens Having Kids To Be Raised By Their Grandparents	Planned And Proud Homosexual Families
More Dramatic Celebrity Meltdowns	More Christian Republican Gay Sex Scandals
Change	Can You Spare Some Food? We Are Starving
Blogging	Publicly Speaking About One’s Life
Hating Yourself	Hating Children
Self Assurance	Multiple Personality Disorder
Tolerance For The Bush Administration	The American Revolution Part II
Fear About The End Of The World	Experiencing Life To The Fullest Extent

The Perfect Storm

2008-01-16T10:25:00.000-05:00

There is a guy at work who has been in the process of separating from his wife over the holidays. He is a pretty good natured guy, so it's hard to see him have to go through this. Also, there are kids involved, so it's even more complicated.

Then, over Christmas dinner, my Mom told me that my cousin who has been married for about 15 years with two kids aged 5 and 9 years old is having relationship struggles too. The couple have not spoken directly to one another at all in over 9 months. I guess that when the kids are that age you can just communicate through them. You know...

"Sugar plum, would you tell you mother to stop charging up the credit cards? I'm not made of money you know."

"Okay Daddy."

"Mommy, Daddy says that you should stop charging the credit cards up so much?"

"Oh honey, tell your father that if he wasn't such a fat ass and didn't come home from work and sit and eat and eat and eat, cleaning out the kitchen every night, then I wouldn't have to spend $500 a week at the grocery store."

"Okay Mommy."

You get the picture.

Earlier this week, I was chatting online with a gaybor who I hadn't seen since before the holidays. He told me that his relationship ended a week before Christmas. I was actually there with them when they met for the first time at Blowoff. Even though I'm not really close to these guys, it made me sad that they had come to the point where it's no longer enjoyable to be partnered with another person.

Sometimes, when I see all of this going on around me, all of these sinking relationships, I feel like it creates these whirlpools all around me. It tests the strength of my relationship. I begin to think, okay what might I doing wrong? Is this relationship that I'm in going to float along and then one day, all of a sudden, a huge and perfect storm is going to come and the waves are going to smash into our ship and sink it? Are Bubala and I going to go sinking down to the bottom of the ocean to the underwater graveyard where all of the lost relationships go?

Now, Bubala is much better at steering the ship than I am. So, I just let him take the wheel while I just take off my clothes and lay up on the deck and get some sun and catch a buzz. And, everything seems fine with us. We've weathered some bad storms in our 11 years and 8 months together. (Yes, I'm still counting.) We've come out okay so far. We've been very lucky to have found each other and been able to grow and adapt ourselves to each other.

Just so we don't forget about the storms though, even if I am relaxing, stoned and naked on the deck while Bubala is contently steering away at the wheel, the rocky seas for others can be a good reminder of how precious our ship is.

My boss has been married for 24 years. He and his wife have 3 boys together. I have watched him struggle with his relationship and the storms that have come at him and his wife due to some of her mental and physical health issues. He is a very emotionally strong man with a great sense of humor. Last week at work, however, we learned that his wife had passed away suddenly, leaving him alone on his ship.

The whole thing reminded me that I maybe should come and steer our ship for a while so Bubala can get naked and lay on the deck and relax for a while. Of course, knowing him, he'll probably just get a boner.

Just Another Boring Day On Earth

2008-01-10T23:22:00.000-05:00

Let's see...

Today, I...

Took my truck to Circuit City to get my new car stereo that Mumi got me for Xmas installed.
Stopped by Giant to get some toothpaste and Airborne.
Stopped by Ann's Dari Creme for one of their famous foot long hot dogs.
Walked four miles. (Not by choice. Circuit City informed me that it was going to take at least four hours to install my stereo. I wasn't going to wait around for that, and I hadn't arranged for a ride home,so I walked it.)
Ordered Verizon Fios TV, Phone and Internet service. It won't be installed and activated until February 5th though.
Ordered the new water heater from Home Depot. It'll be installed on January 15th.
Spot cleaned* the bathroom and kitchen. (*toilet, sinks, counter tops, etc.)
Walked the dog.
Went back to Circuit City five hours later to retrieve my truck.
Went to the cable company to pay (hopefully) my last cable bill with them.
Stopped by Best Buy to do a little browsing. Looking for a new cordless phone.
Stopped by Toys R Us so Mumi could do a little browsing. Looking for more G.I. Joes.
Watched an illegal bootleg DVD copy of The Bucket List. It was pretty good.
Watched a TV show about Duran Duran over the years.
Had a little "fun" time with The Bald Monkey.
Watched a TV show about Fleetwood Mac over the years.
Took a shower.
Typed a blog about all the things I did today.

Whew!

I'm pooped!

Having A Rush With The School Of Rock

2008-01-08T12:06:00.000-05:00

On Friday night, we made our way to a funky little place called the Sante Fe Cafe in College Park, Maryland. The D.C. branch of the School Of Rock was there to perform a Rush Tribute show. It was a most joyous occasion, and I almost went back to see them again on Saturday night for their second show.

School Of Rock? Isn't that a Jack Black movie? Yes, but the movie is based on an actual school founded in 1998 by a guy named Paul Green who is a most awesome guy. We should all elect him President because he would teach American children how to 'stick it to the man' rather than sit on their asses on the couch playing Xbox or Wii.

We had already experienced the School Of Rock last year in Baltimore when they performed a King Crimson tribute show with Adrian Belew as their guest. We knew what to expect. These kids can really play and, if you are a musician, and you have tried to play songs by Rush, you know that it is not easy due, in part, to some of the odd time signatures that shift many times throughout a 5 minute song. These kids really held it together though, for the most part, tackling some very difficult songs. The band lineup would change from song to song, so each student could come on and play their instrument to the Rush song that they had learned the parts or words to. There were about 15 students in all. A lot of the vocal work was handled by the young ladies who, not surprisingly, did a great job because Geddy's vocals are in that higher range,. However, some of the guys who sang did a great job as well. I guess their voices haven't changed yet.

One young man who is known as Big Dan is obviously a rock and roll child prodigy. I would guess that he is about 12 or 13 years old. We saw him play last year at the King Crimson tribute show where he sang and played alto sax and keyboards. This time, he was playing a flying V guitar, a bass guitar and he also sang a bit. This kid looks like a little Kurt Cobain and has so much stage presence and charisma. He is just amazing to watch. And, he handled playing Alex Lifeson's riffs like he had been playing them for years.

There was a little merchandise booth selling School of Rock T-shirts and hats, some of them boasting the slogan 'Rocker Mom' with much coolness. The performers all seemed to be having a great time, and the kids in the audience watching them and their brothers and sisters and friends were really getting into it as well.

We have seen a lot of children at the Rush shows along our travels. Some of them were not even born by the time I had seen Rush 10 times. Still, a lot of them know all of the lyrics and sing right along with Geddy. After seeing this show Friday night, there is no doubt in my mind that Rush's music will be carried on for quite some time.

Note to Geddy, Alex, and Neil... The torch has been passed.

Set List:

Finding My Way
Fly By Night
Red Barchetta
Distant Early Warning
Tom Sawyer
Anthem
Spirit Of Radio
Big Money
The Trees
(Intermission)
Tears
In The End
A Passage To Bangkok
Analog Kid
What You're Doing
Limelight
Subdivisions
Working Man
YYZ
Closer To The Heart

Decisions... Decisions...

2008-01-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

So, let me get your opinion on something.

Do you think I should buy one of these?

Or, one of these?

I know. I know. The decision should be so easy. Just buy the TV. Who cares if our current hot water heater is older than I am? Right? Just buy the TV.

TV! TV! TV!

Unfortunately, someone somewhere in my past instilled common sense, good judgement and rational thinking into me. Damn them to hell! So, I guess that instead of watching hot, hairy and larger than life man-porn in high definition on my awesome new LCD TV (with 2-channel Ambilight), I'll just be staring at my dull, blurry reflection on the exterior of my exciting new hot water heater.

Anyone wanna come over for hot coffee, hot chocolate or a hot shower?

No? I didn't think so.

*Sigh!*

Highlights

2007-12-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

Xmas is over! Hallelujah! I have to say that this Xmas was pretty blah. I think I'm over the whole Baby Jesus, Santa's Birthday, greedy little children game. We really scaled back on the gifts this year. Sure, we got a few things for each other, but nothing like in years past. In fact, I asked the relatives not to buy me anything and to donate any money that they were thinking of spending on me to a few of my favorite charities instead. I guess I'm just getting older, and the magic of Christmas is wearing off.

I probably can't even hear that bell jingling anymore...

It wasn't totally horrible though. There were some highlights from this past Xmas season. The best gift that I received this year was actually the sentiment contained in the greeting card that Mumi gave to me this year. Here is what it said:

For My Husband

It may seem like
one little love story
in a great big world,
but it's ours.

And we're in it together,
side by side
for always.

That's what matters most to me.

Isn't that sweet?

Here are some more photographic highlights from the holidaze.

It wouldn't be Xmas if there wasn't at least one G.I. Mo present!

Max still loves Xmas. He loves unwrapping gifts. He loves it so much, in fact, that he tried to unwrap his presents while Mumi was wrapping them up!

My nephew decided that it was his responsibility to taste each and every treat at the dessert table. At least he used a fork, right?

Quite possibly the gayest Xmas present ever.

This is the pole that I ran into while delivering stuff for our employee Xmas party. I was driving a big box truck at the time. I had never driven a big box truck before. Next time, I'll remember to make wider turns.

Bread bowls are the reason for the season!

Do not look directly into her eyes. She can be very dangerous. This doll gives me the creeps!

My nephew loves his new truck.

He just wasn't so good at driving it. He rammed it right into a tree! He must have taken driving lessons from his Uncle Jay. Don't worry though. This accident looks pretty bad, but no one was injured, including the truck.

This is a cheeseburger. It has nothing to do with Xmas. It just looks so good.
Mmmmm... burger...

Almost Safe For Work

2007-12-23T16:42:00.000-05:00

Taming Mumi Productions
In Association With
Almost Safe For Work Pictures
Presents...
The G.I.Mo's Adventure Team In An All New Epic Adventure...
"The Dreaded Curse Of The Envious Dr. Moss"

Our story begins with our beloved G.I. Mo’s all hanging out in the barracks at the G.I. Mo Headquarters. It’s just a few days before the Christmas, and the guys are clowning around and having a good time. Buzz Cut has just gotten a new Christmas jock strap and has put it on and is modeling it for the rest of the Mo’s.

Mo #2: Yeah Dude! Looks hot!

Mo #1: Woo Hoo! Who’s your daddy?

Sgt. Grunt: Yeah Buddy! I’m gonna ride that thing hard tonight. You know I am.

Mo #3: Let’s stick one of those giant candy canes up his ass.

Mo #4: Yeah! Then we can take turns sucking on it.

Unbeknownst to the G.I. Mo’s, they were all being watched on a secret spy camera by the always envious Dr. Moss who was, as usual, up to no good.

Dr. Moss: I hate those G.I. Mo’s with their fuzzy beards. They think that they are so cool. They are always having so much fun, and they are always having so much sex. It should be me having all that fun and all that sex. But, NO! I’m always excluded from their wild sex parties and extra fun adventures. I even messaged one of them on Manhunt a while back. He said hello to me but then ignored me and didn’t message me back again. I guess he figures that he’s just too good looking to talk to me. Well, I’ve had enough. I’m going to go down there to that G.I. Mo headquarters and teach them all a lesson.

About a half hour later, at the G.I. Mo headquarters, Buzz Cut’s exotic Santa thong dance for the guys was rudely interrupted by the envious Dr. Moss.

Dr. Moss: You G.I. Mo’s have rejected me for the last time. Now you will face my vengeance.

Mo #3: Who let this guy in?

Mo #2: I don’t know. He seems hostile though. Should we take him down?

Mo #1: No. Just stay alert.

Sgt. Grunt: Look dude, I don’t know who the fuck you are, but my buddy here was giving us a nice little show before you walked in and fucked it up. I would ask you to stick around but...

Dr. Moss: I wouldn’t stand around and watch this slutty piece of ass shake it even if you paid me to.

All The Mo’s: Ooooooohhhhhhhh! No he did-ent!

Mo #1: The Gruntman doesn’t like it when guys talk trash about his boy. You better apologize dude.

Dr. Moss: I will do no such thing.

Buzz Cut: Wait a minute... I remember you now. I logged on to Manhunt last week to check my messages, and this guy says hi to me. So, I say hi back and read the rest of my messages and then log out. Two days later, I log in again and I find nine hostile messages, all from this guy telling me how much of an asshole I am and how I must feel too superior to talk to someone like him and how much of a slut he thinks I am.

Sgt. Grunt: What the...? I should pound the motherfucker.

Dr. Moss: Not before I turn your slutty, whore ass boyfriend into Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley.

And with those words, Dr. Moss did a rather queer dance on one leg while pointing at Buzz Cut and “POOOOOF” Buzz Cut was turned into Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley. And then Dr. Moss was gone in a flash.

Squiggy: HELLO!

Sgt. Grunt: What the...? Where’s Buzzy? Where’s my little buddy? Where’s that motherfucker Dr. Moss!?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mo #1: What a horrible thing to happen to us just a few days before Christmas.

Mo #2: Yeah! Where’s Buzz Cut? Doesn’t this Squiggy guy have his own boyfriend?

Mo #3: Well, we’d better do something about all of this. Fast.

Mo #4: Yeah, but what?

Mo #1: Well, when bad things happen around this time of year, it’s best to call the Winter Warlock.

Mo #4: Who?

Mo #2: The Winter Warlock. He’s that old man on the top of the mountain on the inside cover of Led Zeppelin’s forth album. We should call him.

Mo #3: Yeah, we should. But how?

Mo #1: Well, the best way to do that is to sing that old Christmastime standard that the Winter Warlock likes the best.

Mo #2: You mean The Misty Mountain Hop.

Mo #1: Right. Now I’ll grab my guitar and you all gather ‘round and we’ll sing together. I’ll start us out...

Walkin' in the park just the other day, Buddy.
What do you, what do you think I saw?
Crowds of people sittin' on the grass with flowers in their hair said,
"Hey, Boy, do you wanna score?"
And you know how it is...

The other G.I. Mo’s and Squiggy joined in.

Well you know, They asked us to stay for tea and have some fun,
Oh, oh, he said that his friends would all drop by, ooh

Their singing seemed to be working. Something was happening. Suddenly, there was a mist in the air.

Why don't you take a good look at yourself and describe what you see,
And Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, do you like it?

The mist was taking shape.

Then, the Winter Warlock appeared and joined the Mo’s in song:

So I've decided what I'm gonna do now.
So I'm packing my bags for the Misty Mountains
Where the spirits go now,
Over the hills where the spirits fly.

All Mo’s and Winter Warlock: Ooh! Oooh! I really don’t know.

Winter Warlock: Oh, look at all the G.I Mo’s! My favorite adventure team. Well, I do say, it’s my extreme pleasure to be awoken from the Led Zeppelin four album cover by you studs! So, what I can I do for you boys today?

Mo# 2: Well, you see Winter, there’s this mean guy named Dr. Moss who has turned our buddy’s boyfriend, Buzz Cut, into Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley.

Squiggy: HELLO!

Mo #1: And, to tell you the truth, we kind of liked Buzz Cut better. He’s our pal.

Winter Warlock: Oh yes. I see. That is a big problem. Well, there is only thing that we can do.

Mo #3: What?

Winter Warlock: We will summon the evil Dr. Moss and make him take his curse back.

All the G.I. Mo’s: Yo Mo!

Winter Warlock: Evil and envious Dr. Moss, how dare you put a curse on this sexy G.I. Mo. I command you to appear before me and take the curse off of him.

Dr. Moss: What do you bitches want now? And, who’s that? Your most recent senior citizen bukakee target?

Winter Warlock: How dare you throw out insults like a monster without a leash. These good G.I. Mo’s have taken an oath to seek out adventure and get it on with as many other hot dudes as possible. You have taken it upon yourself to take this Mo’s hot little fuck buddy and turn him into a Squigmon. And, at this time of year, when you should be thinking of how are you going to cuddle up with as many hot men as possible to keep warm. For shame. You are doing just the opposite by handing out insults and putting curses on hot daddy’s boys.

Dr. Moss: Well, I was just trying to fit in. I saw the G.I. Mo’s on the Extraordinarily Unexciting Lives of Bubala, Mumi and Max, and I just really wanted to be one of the Mo’s too. They just looked so hot and acted so cool. I wanted to be one of them too. I knew right away though that they would reject me because I’m not as hot or as sexy as they are. And, they did reject me. I messaged one of them on Manhunt, and he completely ignored me.

Mo #4: Hey man, a lot of time we G.I. Mo’s are pretty busy.

Mo #1: Yeah. It takes a lot of time and hard work to plan a great adventure.

Mo #2: And, we are not always having sex. Sometimes, we have to sleep.

Mo #3: Yeah. Also, sexy is in the eye of the beholder. You should let others decide if they think that you’re hot or not before you judge yourself for them. I think that if you hadn’t acted like such an asshole, I would of wanted to do you. What do you think guys?

Mo #4: Yeah man. He looks like a hot, early 80’s porn star!

Dr. Moss: Well, what if I take the curse off of Buzz Cut?

And, with those words, Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley was gone and the beloved G.I. Mo fuck buddy, Buzz Cut, was back.

Dr. Moss: Well, what do you say now guys? Wanna fuck?

Winter Warlock: Not so fast there bud. Since you have displayed such dismal characteristics such as alienation, self loathing and hostility towards others, I am going to put a curse on you. I am going to turn you into the G.I. Mo’s Christmas tree this year. That will teach you the important lessons of fitting in, self confidence, being the centerpiece of a gathering and most importantly, how to stop being such an nasty asshole and how to let your inner beauty shine through. As a bonus, you’ll get to watch all of these hot G.I. Mo’s have one of their infamous and exclusive G.I. Mo fuck parties.

Dr. Moss: Will you really? Oh, that would be the best Christmas gift I ever got!

And so, with a wave the Winter Warlock’s magic wand, Dr. Moss was turned the G.I. Mo’s Christmas tree. And that year, the Mo’s had not one, not three, but ten G.I. Mo hot man-sex parties just so Dr. Moss could feel more like one of the guys. And, they all shot lots and lots of hot hairy man jizz on one another’s furry chests and beards underneath that Christmas tree.

All the G.I. Mo’s, Winter Warlock, Jimmy Jar Head: Merry Christmas to all of the G.I. Mo’s everywhere! Yo Mo!

When Are You Going To Stop Believing The Weather Men?

2007-12-17T09:19:00.001-05:00

I had been looking forward to this past weekend for quite a long time, and the threat of rain, snow, freezing rain, sleet, snain, row, or whatever was not going to be enough to keep us from having a grand old time. Besides, the weather men never seem to be able to get the forecast right any more, so I have stopped believing them altogether. I have become a better predictor of the weather lately than they.

So, on Saturday night, we braved the cold rain and localized flooding and headed on down to D.C. for our monthly dose of shirtless, hairy hunks a.k.a. Blowoff! What a great night it was. Not as many of the regulars in attendance as usual, but not to worry, there was plenty of hot scruff to keep my eyes entertained. Dumbek and Dinger were both there. That was a special treat since we had not seen them in such a long time. Copperred was there with his handsome full beard. So was the ever sexy Skwurl. Of course, The Bowie Cub and Drew were there too. Even Charlie Brown and The Grinch stopped by for a bit.

The 9:30 Club was all decorated up with Christmas trees and pretty lights. It was all very festive. Morel even played "Merry Christmas To Everyone." The whole night really helped me to get more into the Christmas spirit. Or, maybe it all just made me really horny... It was a good thing either way though!

We got home very early Sunday morning and dropped into bed for a few hours of sleep. Sunday was going to be another day on the run. We had made plans to head down to D.C. again for the Underwear Party at Titan/Ramrod.

Max thought that he was gonna get to go to the underwear party!

I have to admit that when we first got to the party, I was thinking that we had a big mistake by going. There weren't many people there at first, and we didn't know any of them! Of course, we were also a bit shy about stripping down to our skivvies in front of all of these total strangers. A little while later though, familiar faces started popping up. The Bowie Cub stopped in. Clickboo dropped by. (And "dropped trou!" Very Nice!) So, we got a little more comfortable and a lot more naked. It turned out to be a pretty good time. The best part of the underwear party was meeting the party host. He is very sweet and super sexy. He looked great in his red Speedo too.

All in all, I would say that it was a pretty fantastic weekend. A great way to start the final countdown to the holiday madness. I still have a bit of shopping to do, but that should be pretty easy. Then, there's the wrapping and exchanging and parties and all of that. I'm starting to get into it a little more each day. We even put a few decorations and a tree up, so it's beginning to look a little more like Christmas.

I think I'll get through it all just fine... I hope...

Disturbing Elf Dance

2007-12-15T09:40:00.000-05:00

Wow. My brother just sent me this link. Seems that he had a few minutes of free time recently and decided to make Bubala and Mumi do the Elf Dance.

It's pretty disturbing if you ask me.

But funny too!

A Holiday Craft Idea From Bubala & Mumi

2007-12-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

(queue in early 60's light and happy holiday elevator music for background...)

Dreading the up coming holiday season?

Around the Xmas holiday, do you find yourself asking your lover, "Honey, do you really think we should get our sisters' and our brothers' kids so much crap this year?"

You remember just how it goes from Xmases past. You sit there and open the one present that they got for you while their precious little monsters spend an hour opening all the presents you got for them. And, it always leaves you with that really uneasy feeling of, "Hmmmm... our siblings already got all the marriage rights and now we have to buy Birthday and Xmas presents for all of the products of their sickening sexual exercises? Now, that just doesn't seem EQUAL!"

(queue loud echo FX on the word equal...)

Well, Bubala and Mumi are here to help!

Introducing, the all new JARHEAD! The happy, handy equalizer for all of your sibling rivalry holiday needs! You won't have to spend an arm and a leg at Best Buy to own your very own Jarhead either. Here's how you can make one right in your very own home.

Supplies you'll need...

Find a clean jar with a lid. Remove the label by soaking in warm, soapy water.
Using construction paper, cut out two eyes, a nose and a mouth. You can color them with magic markers to add more detail or to choose a male or female look. Be creative with it!
Now COMES the HARD part. You and your partner each have to ejaculate into the jar. Now, come on, be a man about it. Hold off for a few days and build up a good load, but have fun with it too. Maybe even make it romantic. Light a candle. Make a fancy dinner. Repeat this step until the jar is filled with your creamy man dressing. (Girls, I have no knowledge of how you all would do this, but if you can find a way to get it in there, you too can have your own Jarhead!)
Now, put the lid on the jar and shake it up to mix yours and your partner's love goo thoroughly.
Next, using a glue stick, attach the eyes, nose, mouth and any other things you'd like to decorate your Jarhead.
Then, give your Jarhead a name like Jimmy, Janie, Johnny or Jenny Jarhead.
Lastly, and this is the best part, call up your sister or brother and gloat about your new Jarhead.

---Ring-Ring-Ring---

Sister: Hello?
Mumi: Hey 'Sis! You'll never guess what Bubala and I just made.
Sister: (Excitedly) What?
Mumi: A Jimmy Jarhead!
Sister: A What?
Mumi: A Jimmy Jarhead! Now the product of our sexual exercises can join us for Christmas dinner! Just like yours. Isn't that fantastic?
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: Yeah. It's the best thing to happen since your bratty, obnoxious offspring dropped out of you.
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: And the best part is that Jimmy can sit at the kids' table and the kids can take turns mixing him up and watching his insides swirl all around. He really likes that you know. He says that it tickles! Wait... Hold on a sec, 'Sis... What's that Jimmy? Oh, okay. Thanks, sweetie. Hey 'Sis, Jimmy just handed me his Christmas list. He wants a Fender Stratocaster, a new bike, a 160GB Ipod, Evil Dead II on DVD, a G.I. Joe man, Hungry Hungry Hippos and a new flat screen TV for his bedroom. Now, you'll be sure to be a great and generous aunt to my precious little Jimmy Jarhead just like I am a great uncle to your hyperactive, Nintendoed-out, vidiot retards, right?
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: Great! This is going to be the best Christmas ever with little Jimmy Jarhead as an addition to our family. And, you'll have to see all of the pictures of little Jimmy that Bubala took. He put them all on one of those digital picture frames. It's adorable. You're gonna love it! There's even a few pictures of Bubala and I "making" Jimmy. Awesome stuff! Well, great talking to you 'Sis. You had better get out there and start shopping. You know how the month of December always seems to fly by, and Christmas will be here before you know it.
Sister: Well I...

---Click!---

Smells Like Christmas Spirit...

2007-12-10T22:58:00.000-05:00

I'm just not feeling it very much this year. At least not like I have in years past. I mean, it's not like I'm being a total Grinch or anything like that. I had a great time shopping for toys that I later donated to charity. I am also having a great time buying toys for my two year old nephew. I just can't seem to get into it for myself.

We haven't sent out Christmas cards yet. We haven't put up a single decoration. No tree. No lights. Not even a wreath. I can't even think of a single thing that I want for Christmas. I asked all of my relatives to donate to charity any money that they were thinking of spending on presents for me. I even cancelled the family Christmas party at our place this year.

I'm not depressed or anything. At least, I don't think I am. I feel happy enough. I just don't seem to have the Christmas spirit this year.

What's wrong with me?

God Thinks Led Zeppelin Is A Faggot

2007-12-10T10:06:00.000-05:00

For a great portion of the world, however, we all think that Led Zeppelin is greater then God himself. So, that's probably why he feels that way. For almost 40 years now, that spiritual entity that is LZ has soothed the savage teenager and fueled their sexual energy with screams of ecstasy and pounding passion and uplifting, majestic chords stolen from God's golden box. (Yeah. John Paul Jones was always my favorite too.)

You can still go into any suburban mall in the 2000's and see people both young and old in LZ t-shirts just like the way it was in the 70's and 80's and 90's. Nothing's changed. Led Zeppelin is a constant, just like Jesus, only more bombastic and sexual. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah love love love love. That is why God thinks that Led Zeppelin is a faggot. After all, he made Robert Plant wear those girly shirts with his hairy chest exposed and those tight jeans wear you can see his dick and balls. He also made Jimmy Page use double neck guitars because two dicks are better than one.

It is a little known fact that God himself was involved with LZ in the earlier part of their recording career. It was the early 70's and God was still mourning the loss of his fallen spiritual children, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. Realizing that LZ had the same spiritual potential, God took it upon himself to guide the band. God realized that even though the band members themselves were heterosexual, the actual spiritual energy of the band was obliviously that of a flaming faggot. Now, if you listen to the words of someone like Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church, you might believe that God hates faggots. Actually, God has an uncanny sense of humor and that's why he made Fred Phelps and the gays in the first place. To liven up an otherwise dreary human species.

And so, back in 1971, when God was working on the artwork for the forth LZ album cover, you know, the entitled "One" (or Led Zeppelin IV or Zoso or Ruins or Stairway To Heaven... You can take your pick!) He decided to throw in a very gay twist. Just because God is witty and funny and very self amusing. He decided, "Okay. Here I have a picture of an old man, all hunched over with a cane. What if I put a fagot (which everyone knows is a bundle of sticks bound toghether) on his back? That way, this old guy can be taking it up the bum by a faggot, and no one will even notice."

I don't think that God had any idea how huge that LZ album would become. He never imagined that image would be printed on t-shirts and buttons and posters millions of times over. Also, I'm not so sure who that old guy on the cover was, but I have my suspicions.

A few years later, God really had a falling out with LZ when he realized that they, like the Beatles, had gotten bigger than Jesus. In fact, he got so miffed that he took John Bonham away from us which pretty much ended the band. And, except for a few appearances here and there, the band has remained the same. Locked away from soaring in the air. Until tonight, when the Mothership will soar once again and fill the air with the beautiful, sexual hymns that will be sung for generations to come.

It's been a long time since I rock and rolled,
It's been a long time since I did the stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
It's been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

Yes, it has.

New York Is A Woman. Baltimore Is A Crack Head.

2007-12-05T09:42:00.000-05:00

Last night, Mumi and I saw Suzanne Vega perform at Ram's Head Live in Baltimore.

If I was any good at all at writing concert reviews, I would tell you how awesome she was. I would tell you that she really blew me away. I would tell you that her voice was absolutely perfect and beautiful. I would tell you that the band was so tight and sounded wonderful.

But, I am not so good at writing concert reviews, so I'll just say that the show was great and, for me at least, a completely unexpected treat. She even played my favorite Suzanne Vega song. And my second favorite Suzanne Vega song.

Oh yeah, let me tell you about the title of this blog post. As Suzanne was introducing one of her new songs called 'New York Is A Woman,' she was talking about how she wasn't sure if Baltimore was a man or a woman. So, she asked the crowd what we thought. Some Spandex-clad, halter top wearing, big 80's haired chick in the crowd hollered out, "Baltimore is a crack head!" Sometimes, I am so proud of Bawl'mer, hun!

A Little Safer For Work Than Before... But Still...

2007-12-04T11:20:00.000-05:00

Raging Mumi Productions
In Association With
Absolutely Not Safe For Work Pictures
Presents...
The G.I.Mo's Adventure Team In An All New Adventure...
"The Attack Of The Evil Annacuntinator"

Just off the coast of Antogfagasta is the secret hide out of The Evil Annacuntinator, a fascist bigot and foe of the G.I. Moe Adventure Team. As usual, she was up to no good spreading the words of hate, intolerance and Republican-Christian ignorance. She was just getting ready to interrupt all of the Internet, television and radio signals throughout the world with her message of hate.

Buzzzzz... Buzz... Buzz... White noise interruption and buzz came across the televisions, computers and radios across the world. Buzzzz... Buzzzz.. Buzzz... Then, a live feed of the Annacuntinator came across on everyone's screens, and she began to speak.

The Annacuntinator: My fellow Christians, I am here today with a message from our Dear Lord above. His message is very clear about his feelings on this subject. God hates fags, and he wants you to kill them all. It's obvious that homosexuals only want to rape your children, and your wives, and your husbands and your family dog. They want to invade our lives with their sick, perverted lifestyle and take over the media and the governments of the world. The gays are the most deadly terrorist organization in the world, and if you see one of them, you should shoot them in the head. The greatest American president ever, Ronald Reagan, God rest his soul, tried, but failed, to save us all from the evil homosexuals when he came up with his secret plan to exterminate the gays in the early 1980's using a form of cancer that is transmitted when the gays have sex. Only, his great vision backfired when some of the gay men had sex with women and spread the disease to our righteous and glorious heterosexual world. It is their fault, therefore, that that this disease is here. The Lord has spoken, and he wants us to kill all of the gays.

Meanwhile...

The GI Mo's were all getting a good old fashion boot cleaning from their favorite boot pig, Mo Buzz, when the announcement came in over the radio.

Sgt. Grunt: We have to make our move now Mo's!

Mo #1: Okay, guys. Let's go fuck that bitch up.

Mo #2: I'll grab the bazooka Crisco shooter.

Mo #3: I'll grab the gay porn magazines.

Mo #4: I'll get the dildos.

Mo #1: I'll grab the nipple clamps and my scrotum piecing gun.

Sgt. Grunt: And I'll grab our most lethal weapon of all... the 8 hour mega-dance remix of the Village People's Macho Man and YMCA.

Whole Adventure Team: Yo Mo!

Buzz: I'll just stay here and wait to clean your boots off when you get back.

The GI Mo's used their ‘Fascist Republican-Christian-Asshole-Scum' GPS to locate where The Annacuntinator was hiding out. They snuck in just as she was about to go live with another message of hate and intolerance.

Sgt. Grunt: Hold it right there Annacuntinator! You can't go on spreading your bigotry around the world. We are the GI Mo's, and we are here to put an end to your evil, Christian ways!

The Annacuntinator: No! You filthy homosexuals! Get away get away. Shoo. Don't touch me.

Mo #1: Your days are numbered Annacuntinator!

Mo #2: Quick Mo's. Everyone grab a gay porn mag.

The Annacuntinator: No! Not gay porn magazines! Jesus, protect me from the infidels!

Mo #1: Yes, Annacuntinator. Gay porn magazines. Part of a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Because men everywhere around the world like to see a dude stick his dick in another dude's mouth.

Mo #3: Yeah, and sometimes they like to watch dudes sticking their hard fucking cocks up other dudes' hairy fucking assholes.

The Annacuntinator: Stop it! Stop saying those horrible, evil things! I'll pray to Mary. That's what I'll do. Oh Mary, shield me with your glorious, holy light. Shield me against these evil homosexuals.

Mo #2: And sometimes men like to get together in groups and watch gay porno movies and jerk their dicks off onto each others beards.

Mo #4: Yeah, and then some of us like to eat the man goo off of those beards.

Sgt. Grunt: Damn Mo's! You all are giving me a big old boner with all of this nasty talk. Who's ready to suck my cock, and who wants to eat my ass?

The Annacuntinator, weakened from this homosexual onslaught falls down in utter disgust at the G.I. Mo's dirty gay sex talk.

The Annacuntinator: Ahhhhhhh! You sick G.I. Mo's. You are totally grossing me out the max. You may have won this battle, but you haven't seen the last of me. You perverted homosexuals! I'll be back with Jesus and George W. Bush to destroy you all.

And with that, The evil Annacuntinator got up and ran screaming away into the night.

Mo #1: Well, I'm sure that we haven't seen the last of that bitch.

Mo #3: Good, because I think she needs a brief education on the S&M hankie code.

Mo #3: You know, I think she was wearing blond fur panties.

Mo #4: Well, at least we stopped her this time.

Sgt. Grunt: Right Mo's! And remember, if you don't speak out against hatred and bigotry, then you are just as guilty of being a bigot. Now, let's all go home and get our dicks sucked by Buzz!

Whole Adventure Team: Yo Mo!

The G.I. Mo Adventure team went back to headquarters to relax and get their dicks sucked. And, as for The Annacuntinator, she was last seen, still very traumatized, hanging around in a very seedy part of town.

Dog Face

2007-11-30T16:06:00.001-05:00

So, you might remember a while back that I talked about how I really wanted to start acknowledging my sexuality in public situations. For example, very often at work, a customer will ask me if I am married or if I have a girlfriend. Most of the time, I just immediately scream out "No!" in a 'girls are so completely gross' sort of tone, but I rarely get into the details of my private life with semi-strangers.

Well, I feel like that does a horrible disservice to myself, to homosexuality and to my boyfriend of almost 12 years. So, I am trying really hard to change that part of myself. I am trying to answer the question honestly and truthfully no matter who it might offend or astound.

Like last night, for example.

A regular customer started asking me if I was married. I said no. So, of course, her next question was whether or not I have a girlfriend. My first reply was a simple no. Then, I got a little more creative and told her that I think that girls are yucky and that there was no way that I would be tied down to one of those nasty bitches. We shared a giggle and I started to walk away.

That's when I started to get that guilty feeling again. The one that comes along every time I run back into the closet and cower there, afraid to let anyone know, with pride, just who I really am. So, I stopped in my tracks, turned around and went back to the nosey and presumptuous lady.

I keep a picture of Mumi and Max in my cell phone. It's there to remind me just how much I love and adore the two of them. Anyway, I walked back over to the lady, flipped open my cell phone and said to her, "I'm surprised that after all this time, you didn't already know this, but here is a picture of my girlfriend."

Here is the picture...

Can you guess what her response was?

Yep, that's right. She said, "Oh, what a pretty dog! How long have you had her? She's just so precious. I can see why you love her so much. She's beautiful."

I stood there for a moment, mouth open, saying nothing. Then, I sighed a really heavy sigh and turned and walked away.

Maybe someday, I will be me.

Maybe someday.

My Favorite Spam

2007-11-29T11:17:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously considering sponsoring some sort of Spam Awards Banquet some day. Some of the spam mail I get is great! Very creative and entertaining. It even makes me lol from time to time. Really!

Here are some of my recent favorites...

This first one would probably win an award for the subject line alone!

Sent: Thu Nov 22 16:51
From: 'Norberto Ross'
To: xxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.com

Subject: Aircraft Carrier Drink Liquid Swimming Pool Boy

I'm sure that MegaDik would be nominated many times for Spammy awards!
Check out these gems...

Sent: Fri Nov 23 15:41
From: 'Alyson Z. Shearer'
To: 'Lacy F. Tackett'

Subject: Is your penis size your only problem? MegaDik solves it just like that!

Have they ever told you this, "Gush! Your penis is really tiny!"?
Didn't you feel sad?
Don't let them choose sexual toys but not you! Megadik will make you a real man ! You should simply rely on this wonderful preparation!
"Oh! Your penis is unique!" Is it what you dream to hear every day?
Soon you'll be the only one ladies will dream about! Megadik is your true rescue!

Sent: Sun Nov 25 5:54
From: 'Rico H. Fry'
To: 'Amado L. Riddle'

Subject: Make your willy bigger and harder in just a few weeks!

No man would be glad to be told by his lady in the bedroom "Oh, it's so small!"
However, if you're dreading to hear this, don't despair!
MegaDik gives you a chance, which you surely don't want to miss out!

Visit us today and start witnessing miraculous transformations just in a few weeks!

Sent: Sun Nov 25 22:03
From: 'Bobbie W. Johns'
To: 'Donny Y. Blankenship'

Subject: Make all girls notice your manhood!

Do you believe in magic? We dare say you're likely to answer negatively.
We hadn't believed, either...until the moment we tried MegaDick!
The effect this remedy produces on a male dic'k cannot be called otherwise than a Miracle!
Only fancy, that your love wand suddenly becomes longer
and thicker and makes women tremble with ardor!
It's fabulous!

So, hurry up, perform a miracle in your life with this wonder-medicine!

Sent: Thu Nov 29 10:02
From: 'Maribel P. Ziegler'
To: 'Shauna Y. Spaulding'

Subject: Obtain a huge schlong for a new year!

Do you always blame your hard luck?

Fortune smiles only on real men!
Become a self-confident fellow with a massive phallus in year 2008!

Receive your portion of MegaDik today for the lowest price ever!

What is your favorite spam e-mail? Send your nominations in today!

Gay Bingo Hun!

2007-11-29T00:17:00.000-05:00

Mumi and I and a few friends went to gay bingo night at The Hippo on Wednesday. It was a good time. Nice to be hanging out with the gay folks of Bawl'mer hun! We didn't win anything. Well, Greg The Bowie Cub won $40, but Mumi and I didn't win a thing. No big deal though as the money raised by bingo nights goes to a few decent local gay charities.

Here are the photos to prove that we had a good time:

Hippo Water!

Bingo Bear Hug!

It wouldn't be gay bingo without a drag queen!

The Bowie Cub is convinced that Mumi is weird, at least a little bit.

Our straight friend Jamie came along. She's a girl, but that's not her fault. She was just born with a vagina.

Bubala is a bingo playing fool!

About to win big!

The Bowie Cub's favorite game was the Glory Hole Special. Here he is practicing in case he wins it!

One of the G.I. Mo's was there. He had a pretty good time hanging out with Lucky the Leprechaun.

Mumi likes gay bingo!

Mumi trying to win some G.I. Joe buying money!

Absolutely Not Safe Work!

2007-11-26T21:16:00.000-05:00

Raging Mumi Productions
In Association With
Absolutely Not Safe For Work Pictures
Presents...
The G.I.Mo's Adventure Team In An All New Adventure...
"Arriving At Headquarters"

Sgt. Grunt and G.I. Mo #1 and #2 all headed North up the coast to Antogfagasta where they were to meet the rest of the Adventure Team and make the move. When they got to the G.I. Mo Adventure Team Headquarters, the place looked deserted. There was no one there at all... almost.

Sgt. Grunt: All right. I guess we better split up and take a look around. You two Mo's search around up here, and I'll take a look down in the basement.

G.I. Mo's #1 and #2 searched around on the ground floor of the command center and the laboratory, but no one was around. They heard a strange combination of humming and moaning noises coming from the upstairs area, so they crept up ever so quietly to investigate. Walking into the sleeping area, the noise got even louder. And they walked in on G.I. Mo #3 with a 12" vibrating dong shoved up his ass.

G.I. Mo #3: Man! You guys scared the hell out of me. I didn't expect to see you until this evening.

G.I. Mo #1: Ah. Grunt made us haul ass up the coast. Are you the only one around?

G.I. Mo #3: Just Buzz and me. I think he's down in the basement. The others went to pick up some gear. I don't think that they'll be back for a few more days.

G.I. Mo #1: I'm Mo #1. I'm a specialist in land maneuvers. This is Mo #2. He's an airman.

G.I. Mo #2: Hey man. How's it going?

G.I. Mo #3: I'm Mo #3. I'm an underwater sea adventurer, and things are kind of slow around here. Man, am I glad you guys showed up. The others have been gone for a few days, and I haven't sucked a cock in almost a week. That Buzz, he's so kinked out. I just don't want to mess with his ass.

G.I. Mo #1: Oh yeah? An underwater sea adventurer huh? Does that mean that you are really good at going down?

G.I. Mo #3: I'm one of the best. I bet you guys are ready to bust a nut after that long haul, huh?

G.I. Mo #2: Man, you got that right dude. My cock is just itching for some hot man mouth to feed.

Meanwhile, Sgt. Grunt was doing some exploring himself down in the basement. He found Buzz downstairs in his play room.

Sgt. Grunt: Buzz! You kinked out fucker. How've you been man?

Buzz: Gruntman! Yeah! Finally, someone is here who can dominate me like I was meant to be dominated.

Sgt. Grunt: Oh, you are a kinky little bastard, and it looks like you are setting up quite the makeshift playroom. You getting any of these Mo's to give you what you really need? Any of them riding your ass hard like you know I will? Why don't you strip down and let me fuck you on that saddle?

Buzz: Only if I can wear my diver's helmet while you do me.

Sgt. Grunt: Oh, you are a twisted fuck.

Buzz: That's just the way I like it.

Sgt. Grunt: Woo Hoo! I'm gonna like working with you again. You kinked out little fucker. Woo Hoo!

Meanwhile, the other three Mo's were recovering from their diving lesson and getting to know each other by a warm fire.

G.I. Mo #1: One thing is for sure. We are going to have ourselves a big old adventure this time around. What do you say Mo's?

G.I. Mo #1: Yo Mo!

G.I. Mo #2: Yo Mo!

G.I. Mo #3: Yo Mo!

To Be Continued ...

The First Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T12:27:00.000-05:00

Funny!

Make Your Trouser Python Huge & Rock Hard*

2007-11-22T09:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

There are a lot of things that I am thankful for...

Mumi
Max
Family
Friends
Health
Happiness

And, of course, trouser pythons...

What are you thankful for?

*This was the subject line of a spam e-mail I recently received. I thought it would make a great blog title...

All In All It's Just Another Trip To The Wal

2007-11-21T15:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Henrietta and I got up real early, so we could secretly spend the morning traveling around to lots of Wal-Marts in the Baltimore metropolitan area looking for G.I. Joe dolls. We were trying to surprise Mumi.

In case you haven't figured it out already, Mumi has recently become re-obsessed with G.I. Joe. He happened to find a couple of 12" G.I. Joe dolls at a Wal-Mart the other night by accident. Come to find out that Wal-Mart has been selling five different dolls that are the replicas of the 12" Joe's from the 1960's and 1970's. Of course, as soon as Mumi found out about this, we had to go to every Wal-Mart in Glen Burnie (there are three) to see if they had any more dolls.

Well, even after Mumi bought up the whole inventory of dolls at the Glen Burnie stores, he still wasn't satisfied. So, that was when I decided that I would have to make the trek out a little further to some Wal-Marts in the neighboring cities to see if I could find more dolls.

I sat down at the computer and opened Google Earth and plotted out my strategy, much like a G.I. Joe Adventure Teamer would do. I decided to call it, "Operation: Doll Snatch." I found seven Wal-Marts within 20 miles of home, and then I planned my route. The Wal-Mart locations formed a circle on the map, so I wrote down all of the addresses, grabbed Henrietta and headed out to the Wal-Mart closest to me.

Nothing at the first Wal-Mart...

Nothing at the second Wal-Mart...

Nothing at the third Wal-Mart...

The third Wal-Mart was a two story Wal-Mart. I had never seen a two story Wal-Mart before! The coolest part was that there were escalators for the carts! As you go up the escalator, your cart follows you up on a separate escalator just for carts! That was pretty cool!

I typed the address for the forth Wal-Mart into Henrietta, but she wasn't liking it. She was very insistent that the street address that I was looking for was not in Baltimore. So, I used the nearby places search feature and said, "Henrietta, take me to the nearest Wal-Mart." She obliged... Sort of... That dumb bitch took me to a Sam's Club! Oh well, no problem. I typed in the next address and headed onward.

When I got to the next location, however, there was no Wal-Mart. Only an empty store. It used to be a Wal-Mart, but apparently, it had moved to a new address that Henrietta wasn't familiar with.

At this point, as you can probably imagine, I was getting discouraged. It was two hours later. I had been to three Wal-Marts. I had no G.I. Joe dolls. I was tired and hungry. "Operation: Doll Snatch" was failing... rapidly! I pressed onward though....

Nothing at the forth Wal-Mart...

Nothing at the fifth Wal-Mart...

I was really ready to give up at this point. "Operation Doll Snatch" had been an absolute and utter flop. I hopped in the truck and started off for home. There was one more Wal-Mart on the way home though. Should I even bother stopping? I really wasn't going to, but I had to drive right past it to get home. So, I stopped.

And, this is where where it happened...

I found more G.I. Joe dolls! Yay! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!

Wal-Mart Jesus, that is...

I happily bought up a few of the dolls, got in my truck and headed for home. I was confident that I had been a good Adventure Teamer! I had won the battle. I had planned and executed my mission with all the dignity, honor and respect that you'd expect from a Real American Hero like G.I. Joe. I was victorious. The world was safe again.

Safe again, for now at least...

Famous Again...

2007-11-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

Check us out on Wonkette!

She caught us at Blowoff, shirtless and smiling and having a gay old time.

See the photo here.

Blowoff!

2007-11-18T11:26:00.000-05:00

Blowoff was a heck of a lot of fun last night. A lot of great people in attendance. Our best bud Greg The Bowie Cub, Tim & Donn, Jimbo, Mike, Sean, Carl and many, many more hot guys. So many hot guys...

** Sigh! **

We got the shirts off early and started dancing the night away.

As usual, our handsome hosts did not disappoint. There was great music to be heard, awesome visuals (both on the big screens and dancing around the room!) to stimulate the eyes, a fantastic light show. The total package!

We were having so much fun that we almost stayed 'til the very end. But, then, we're old men and staying awake past 10pm is getting more and more difficult these days! So, we said our goodbyes and headed out just after 3am.

Mumi should be the model for the next Blowoff poster.

A shot of the crowd.

The big screens were full of awesome visuals.

Another shot of the crowd.

Mumi likes the pretty lights.

Absolutely Not Safe For Work!

2007-11-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

Raging Mumi Productions Presents...
The G.I. Mo's Adventure Team
In
"Keepin' Busy!"

We find Mo' #1 and Mo' #2 in a wooden shack just off the coast of Valparaiso, Chile waiting for orders on where to go to from there to pick up the top secret plans for the Homo Revolution.

Mo' #1: I'm bored! When are we going to get the word on the go ahead? We've been cooped up in this little shack for two days now. I'm going stir crazy in here. I need something to keep entertained.

Mo' #2: Well, hang in there Mo'. I'm sure The Grunt will show up here shortly. Until then, whatcha' say you come on over here and give me a hand.

Mo' #1: Alright dude! That's why Hasbro gave me the Kung Fu grip!

Mo' #2: Yeah man. Why don't you Kung Fu grip my cock with your mouth now? Yeah! That's the way. suck dat fat cock Mo'. That's it. Take it all the way down and then stuff my balls in there too. Yeah!

Mo' #1: Gloog. Glug. Glog. Glug. Gloog. Glug. Glog.

The Mo's were so busy keeping' busy that they had no idea that Sgt. Grunt had walked in and was watching them for a good ten minutes before he spoke up.

Sgt. Grunt: That's what I like about you Mo's. You're very dedicated. You're always keeping busy, even during the slow times.

Sgt. Grunt moved over and pulled out his already throbbing, hard cock.

Sgt. Grunt: Yeah that's it Mo'. Suck those fuckin' cocks. Yeah, look at him lap it up.

Mo' #1: Gloog. Glug. Glog. Glug. Gloog. Glug. Glog.

Mo' #2: Yeah. He's been complaining about not having enough to do.

Sgt. Grunt: Oh Yeah? Well, how about we take his pants off and you can fuck his ass. And, if that's not enough for him to do, I'll let him suck the juice out of my balls. Would you like that Mo'?

Mo' #1: Gloog. Glug. Glog. Glug. Gloog. Glug. Glog.

So, the two Mo's stripped him and Mo' #2 started riding Mo' #1 hard.

Sgt: Grunt: Yeah! You like that dick up your ass, don't you? Yeah! That's it Mo', fuck his hairy ass hard. I can tell he likes it, because he can't get enough of mine in his mouth.

Mo' #2: Is this how you like to keep busy Mo'?

Mo' #1: Gloog. Glug. Glog. Glug. Gloog. Glug. Glog.

Sgt. Grunt: Yeah! I'm gonna bust this nut all over your fuckin' beard Mo'.

Mo' #2: And I'm gonna give you a cum sloppy butt hole.

Like sands through the hourglass... these are the fucks of our lives...

Mo' #2: I'm gonna cum. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sgt. Grunt: Yeah! That's it Mo'. Jizz his hairy hole. I'm spunkin' his beard right now.

Mo' #1: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sgt. Grunt: Alright you Mo's. Get cleaned up and be ready to get out of here in 15 minutes. We're headed up north to Antogfagasta. The rest of the team is up there and they are ready to make the move.

The Mo's quickly cleaned up, gathered their gear and moved on.

To Be Continued...

An Evening With Papa Bear

2007-11-13T08:31:00.000-05:00

So, on Sunday evening, Bubala and I trekked up to Philly to the World Cafe Live for the Bob Mould concert and DVD screening. We had missed the DC show, because we had another show to go to by another band in another city. So, we made plans to catch Bob in Pennsylvania instead. Although we didn't make up our minds until the New Hope show already sold out. No big deal though. The Philly show was closer anyway, so we made plans to attend that one.

The show was divided into three parts: the Q & A part, the live set and the DVD screening. The guy who asked Bob the questions during the Q & A session had done his homework. He asked questions ranging from how Bob got involved with writing for the WWF and how he came to compose The Daily Show theme to questions like will there ever be a Hüsker Dü or Sugar reunion (that would be a NO) and how Bob feels about so many newer bands making it bigger than he has playing the kind of music that he helped to cultivate. Bob seems very humble about the bridge that he helped to build and genuinely happy for all of those bands who have successfully crossed that bridge.

At one point, the interviewer asked if Bob felt like a Papa Bear to all these younger musicians Which made quite a few of us including Bob giggle a bit. That's how I think I will look at him from now on. As the cuddly Papa Bear instead of as the guy you kind of feel slightly afraid of because he just screamed a self exorcism right before your eyes, floored his distortion pedal, turned his guitar around towards his amp to make it feedback like mad and then walked off stage and left it there humming awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. (And I was completely enthralled by every second of it, by the way.)

On to the live set. After the Q & A ended, Bob came back onstage and played a set of about 13 songs ranging from the older Hüsker classics to a few brand new songs. One of the songs is from his soon to be released album entitled "District Line" due out on 2/5/08. Another was an even newer song that Bob said he hopes to put out on another new album in 2009.

One of the things that has always inspired me about Bob's music is how prolific he has been along his musical journey. He mentioned in the Q & A session that he tries to write something every day. That just seems so healthy for your creative self. I suggest that we all learn from Papa Bear and try to apply that kind of discipline to our own creative endeavours. I know that I will, and that's why I follow Bob.

Here is the set list from the show:

Wishing Well
Hear Me Calling
Hoover Damn
See A Light Light
No Reservations
Hardly Getting Over It
Again And Again (From District Line)
I'm Sorry Baby, You Can't Stand In My Light Anymore (new for 2009)
Circles
Paralyzed
Lonely Afternoon
I Apologize
Celebrated Summer

After the live set was over, the DVD screening started. We watched a few songs, but Bob had said that he would be out in the lobby selling DVDs and I wanted to get another copy and have him sign it because I am a pathetic fan boy* and that's what I do. We hadn't seen Bob in person since the August Blowoff, so we also wanted to say hi and show him that we still do care enough to come out and support his work even though we're old and can't stay up as late as we used to be able to. He actually seemed surprised to see us and he joked with me about wanting to buy another copy of the DVD just because I was on the cover. He signed it with an arrow pointing to my smiling mug.

Then, it was time for the obligatory photo to prove that I was actually really there standing next to Bob Mould. Just in case any one of you doesn't believe me. I think we both actually look pretty good together, all bearded up like that. I think I will call this photo "Bubala? Bubala who?"

Then, I got a big ol' Papa Bear hug. Bob really does give great hugs, you know. Bubala got a hug too. After that, we were on our way back home. It was a work night, after all. And, we felt a little funny about seeing ourselves in the DVD on a big screen with a bunch of other people around. It almost seemed a little perverted.

Why did I have to have another copy the Circle Of friends DVD autographed by Bob? Well, when you've followed some one's musical career for half of your life and then, all of a sudden, you show up on the cover of his new DVD, it tends to mean a lot to you. After all, he could have very easily said, "Wait a minute! I recognize that crazy Bald Monkey on the cover right there. You guys in the art department better airbrush his face off of my DVD. Otherwise, he will be coming up to me later and buying extra copies of the DVD and wanting me to sign them for him." I'm glad he left it on there though. Same with the other picture on the inside cover. The one where Bubala looks like he's bored. (It was like 12 midnight on a work night when that show started!) After attending all of the shows and after growing up with Bob's music, it means a lot to me.

March 23, 1987: Lisner Auditorium, Washington, DC (Hüsker Dü)
October 21, 1987: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Hüsker Dü)
May 3, 1989: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (1st Bob Mould Band)
October 15, 1989: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (1st Bob Mould Band)
July 19, 1990: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (1st Bob Mould Band)
October 30, 1990: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (1st Bob Mould Band)
March 6, 1991: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Solo)
July 15, 1992: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Sugar)
October 17, 1993: Old 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Solo)
November 17,1994: Hammerjacks, Baltimore, MD (Sugar)
March 6, 1995: Gaston Hall, Washington, DC (Solo)
October 10, 1996: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Solo)
April 9, 1997: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Solo)
September 29, 1998: Bohager's, Baltimore, MD (Dog & Pony Band)
September 30, 1998: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Dog & Pony Band)
April 16, 2002: Trocadero, Philadelphia, PA (Carnival Of Lights & Sound)
June 23, 2003: Fort Reno Park, Washington, DC (Solo)
January 21, 2005: Ramshead Tavern, Annapolis, MD (Solo)
June 11, 2005: Gay Pride, Washington, DC (Solo)
October 7, 2005: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (New Bob Mould Band)
November 25, 2005: Ramshead Tavern, Annapolis, MD (Solo)
November 29, 2005: Birchmere Music Hall, Alexandria, VA (Solo W/ Rich Morel)
February 25, 2006: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Blowoff Live Set)
March 18,2006: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Blowoff Live Set)
April 15, 2006: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Blowoff Live Set)
May 13, 2006: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC (Blowoff Live Set)
November 11, 2007: World Cafe Live, Philadelphia, PA (Solo Set and DVD Screening)

(Thanks to Dumbek for keeping track of the Blowoff dates that I had forgotten! Dumbek Rocks!)

*Pathetic Fan Boy as opposed to Stalker Boy who would most likely show up at "Woof" with a stack of Hüsker vinyl and matching color Sharpies demanding personalized autographs. And then go wandering aimlessly around downtown Washington, DC looking for Bob he didn't show up.

Today We Are Two

2007-11-10T09:19:00.001-05:00

Here is where it all began...

Artsy Tuesday: A Photo & A Poem

2007-11-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

Crickets - an original poem by Bubala

When there aren't any crickets chirping at night to keep me awake
I sometimes invent other distractions
I pretend that something terrible has happened to someone else
Or quite possibly to me
Someone has died
Someone that I had known and loved for quite some time
Or maybe someone has lied
And it has hurt me so bad that I cannot sleep
Because I lie awake with worry
Worry over a lost trust
Or a forgotten innocence
Quite possibly I have heard some words in passing
Words that have ripped my heart from its familiar place
And tossed it away
Like so many broken promises
Maybe someone has turned out just the opposite of every dream I have ever dreamt
Like I always knew
There were never any lies
Only blind truths
So suddenly I realize
There were never any crickets to keep me awake on those nights
Only distractions
I did not invent them
Only truths I chose to ignore
I should have seen you coming

365 More Days Til Halloween... Silver Shamrock

2007-10-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! Here are some of the photographic highlights from our Halloween.

Enjoy!

The Happy Little Ghost

Father Bubala & Mumi Lucifer

We finally Found Jesus! He was at the Tori Amos concert all along...

What a great evil grin...

No, that's not Tori Amos. It's Donna The Dead!

Smile pretty for the camera!

I think that Mumi might be enjoying the whole Devil thing a bit too much...

See? I told you so!

Not if Mumi Lucifer have anything to do with it!

I have no idea how I talked him into letting me take this pic...
But, I'm glad I did! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go touch myself...

It's Okay To Love Tori Amos Bubala! She Is A Goddess

2007-10-30T11:11:00.000-05:00

Friday night, we went to see Tori Amos perform at Constitution Hall in DC. I have had a long standing love of Tori since Little Earthquakes in 1992. Since then, I've managed to catch her at least twice on every tour around DC or Baltimore. Like with most of my musical heroes, once I met Bubala, he ended coming along for the ride. I'm not as fanatical about Tori as with some of the others that I follow, but I'm still dedicated. I know that she has her hardcore fans that go to all of the shows and she also has a VERY GAY audience. Most of them are women, but there are still lots of us gay guys too. We all know that Tori was sent here from other spiritual worlds to make us all cry our fucking hearts out. Luckily it's dark at concerts.

Now, I was fine with just seeing her once on this tour. It has been a BIG concert year with 4 Blackfield, 7 Porcupine Tree and 7 Rush shows under our belt. After the Tori show was over, I was looking at the list of other shows she had played and looking at the set lists from those shows when Bubala walked in and said, if she is playing different songs at other shows, then "Why didn't we go to more shows?" I mentioned the above, but almost instantly, he had seized the computer from me and was searching to see what other shows we could go to. The only close one that we could do was in Pittsburgh on Tuesday, October 30th. So, after a quick search for tickets, we scored a pair about 20 rows back in the center which is fine because most folks sit at Tori shows.

We did a little more searching and found out that the show we just bought tickets for is actually a Halloween show and that Tori and the crew want everyone to dress up. Hmmmmm... the thought of 3,000 Tori fans dressed up like little fairies flashed before our eyes. I thought, "Oh how cute!" and what a special show it would be where she could bring out some scary songs. So, with that in mind, I started thinking of scary Tori songs... Digital Ghost, Blood Roses, Rattlesnakes, Happy Phantom... and then it hit me! Father Lucifer! So, I decided to be Father Lucifer and wear a devil costume. Perfect.

Now, with me taken care of, what about Bubala? If you know much about Tori, you'd know that she is a minister's daughter so there are a whole lot of Christian themes in her music. So, Bubala saw a priest outfit and I thought, "That's perfect! The devil and the priest!" We could even walk around holding hands. Maybe we could even get a bible and paste a bunch of pictures of Tori on the pages like the one where a pig is suckling her breast. And I can also get Father Bubala to play with my tail in public.

At any rate, Bubala pulled a fast one on me with regards to Tori Amos once more. I think he is really a closet Tori fan. It's okay to love Tori Amos, Bubala. She is a goddess after all. Here are some other Tori related fast ones that Bubala has pulled on me over the years.

In 1996, he got me all kinds of Tori posters and flats from Tower records where we worked.
In 1998, Tori was doing a small warm up gig with a full band. She did a small exclusive show at 9:30 Club. Tickets were real hard to get. Bubala made a phone call, and we were put on the guest list.
In 2002, while already having tickets to a show, he bought me a another ticket that was a whole lot closer to the stage and surprised me with it that night.
In 2005, Tori did an in-store Book and CD signing in Georgetown. On the day of the in-store, you had to go to the store when they opened at 10AM, buy the new Tori CD, get a wrist band, then come back and line up for the signing which was at 4pm. I had to work so, disappointedly, I just forgot about it. Then, I get a call from Bubala who went to Georgetown, got a wrist band and told me I had to leave work early to go meet Tori Amos. Then, he drove all the way back to DC again and we lined up and I met her. She signed my CD and my book, but no pictures were allowed. She gave me another new nickname. She called me "Sparkle Steve" because she said that I sparkled. She also gave me a big hug and Bubala got a big wave when I pointed him out to her as my husband.
2005 - See #3. Only this time, the ticket was 4th row center and during the encores I ran up right against the stage.
2007 - A Tori Amos Halloween costume party show on Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh of all places. I guess we'll stop by the Liberty diner and say hi to Debbie. Then, we'll run into Emmett and Michael at the show. (Yeah. I know that Queer As Folk was actually filmed in Canada. I'm pretending!) This has got to be just about the gayest thing we have ever done.

Don't I have the greatest husband ever?

Don't you wish that everyone could have one?

All In The Details

2007-10-30T09:54:00.001-05:00

A little more about the movie on Sunday... a lot more about my mom...

Like Jimbo, I too completely expected to come out of the theatre angry, but I didn't. The movie was very well done with several real life stories about how the clash between Christianity and homosexuality affects real peoples' lives. For me, the movie was very uplifting. It made me realize again just how fortunate I am.

For you see, my mother is one of those Christian wingnuts. Though she is nowhere near as extreme as some of the nutjobs out there, she still has her faith, goes to her church and believes in her God. I guess that you could say that she is more of a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Christian though. She is not out there trying to convert anyone. Nor is she out there spewing hatred and/or intolerance.

Quite the opposite, actually.

She didn't cry when I told her that I was gay. She never tried to talk me out of it or make me change. She didn't think that it was only a phase I was going through and that eventually I would change and start liking tuna. In fact, other than worrying about my safety and worrying about me facing life of ridicule and intolerance, she never did or said anything at all negative about homosexuality.

~~I think~~ I know that she is secretly thrilled to have a gay son. After I came out, one of the first things that she did was go to a local gay book store and buy some gay buttons to wear and rainbow bumper stickers for her car. Shortly after she put the bumper stickers on her car, someone keyed the word "fag" onto the door of her car. You'd think that would have upset her, right? Nope. Not at all. She left it there and said that since she was proud of the word, there was no need to cover it up as if she were ashamed of it.

She gets mad if I don't invite her to gay pride parades or to the State House to crusade for gay rights. When we do take her to those events, she is the first one to open her mouth and give anyone who opposes homosexuality or gay rights an earful. I remember one time in particular, she really let our Senator, James E. DeGrange, have it. We were at a meeting with the Senator asking him to vote against a statewide ban on same-sex marriages. The Senator started in with his banter about his beliefs, his Church, his blah, blah, blah.

Well, mom was going to have none of that. She interrupted him and started telling him about her beliefs. How she was a good Christian too, just like him. In fact, they even belonged to the same Church. She went on, however, to point out that she was intelligent enough and compassionate enough to be able to separate purely civil issues from religious ones. She suggested that a good Christian Senator should be smart enough to figure those things out too. Yo go mom!

She is really something. I am truly very lucky to have her as my mom.

I only wish that everyone else was as lucky as I am.

Oh yeah... Just a note to that toe-tapping, hottie at the urinal next to me after the movie. You know who you are. You're so lucky (or unlucky, I guess) that the bathroom was full. Otherwise, I certainly would have come around that partition and helped you to relieve yourself. You dirty, little monkey!

Blurb

2007-10-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

Just a quickie today...

Everyone loves a quickie, right?

Went to see For The Bible Tells Me So last yesterday with a couple of real (as in they actually exist) bloggers. The movie was very good. I recommend that you see it and take your parents along if you can. Especially if your parents are the nutty, right wing religious types.

High Rollers

2007-10-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

Mumi and I went to Atlantic City this past Saturday. I bet you can't guess why we were there.

Let me give you a hint...

That's right! Another Porcupine Tree concert. My 29th and Mumi's 30th show.

* Yawn! *

I guess it was probably pretty easy to guess, huh? You could have said any one of three things and probably been right. We were either at a Porcupine Tree concert, a Rush concert or on a roller coaster.

I guess we're pretty boring and predictable, huh?

I bet you didn't predict this though...

That's right. It's a chocolate whoopee pie. I ate it, and it was delicious!

Probably didn't predict this either, did you...

It's Max wearing a t-shirt and smiling for the camera.

I'm just full of surprises today, ain't I?

Hopefully, we'll do ~~somone~~ something fresh and exciting really soon, and I'll actually have something interesting to write about.

Until then...

(Bet you didn't see that one coming either... Did you?)

This Must Be My Lucky Day

2007-10-18T10:29:00.000-05:00

So, how did I end up on this mailing list?

Pope John Paul II Was A Big Ol' Flaming 'Mo

2007-10-16T11:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, now tell me something that I didn't already know...

Funny how many people around the world see this as a miracle. A blessing from beyond the grave. If I was a dead Pope, I certainly wouldn't choose to manifest my spirit in the flames of a bonfire. Hello?!? Hell, fire, flames, eternal damnation, Satan? Anyone else see the irony here?

Maybe this flame is not a blessing at all. Maybe it is merely a warning to all of his rabid followers. "Some day, you too will burn in Hell for all eternity. Just like me."

America's Most Stupidest Bubala

2007-10-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

Okay.

I admit it.

I have been watching America's Most Smartest Model on VH-1. I usually don't subject my brain to such inane foolishness, but for some reason (or possibly two reasons), I just can't stop watching this total waste of television bandwidth.

Here is one reason...

His name is Andre Birleanu. He is from Moscow. He has a smoking hot (even if it is mostly hairless) body. He has a bad-ass attitude. He is my new television boyfriend.

Here is reason number two...

His name is Jeff Pickel. He is from Chicago. He is very cute. He has great facial scruffiness. Did I mention that his name was Jeff Pickel? He is my new television boyfriend when Andre is not around.

In other news...

Well, there really isn't too much other news... Nothing too thrilling has been happening in my world lately.

We spent the past weekend traveling to Northern Virgina and to New York City for a couple of Porcupine Tree concerts. Now, I have seen Porcupine Tree 28 times in my life so far. That's about 28 more times than I have wanted to see them...

(Just kidding Mumi! I love Porcupine Tree. Really... I do... Just about as much as you love all of those roller coasters and amusement parks...)

I certainly wish that there was something more exciting happening for me to buzz about, but sadly, this is about it. I really need to start doing more exciting things. Or, I could always just start making up exciting things to happen to me.

Nah. That's been done already...

Famous!

2007-10-10T08:47:00.000-05:00

Have you seen Bob's new DVD yet? We got ours in the mail yesterday! Not only is Mumi featured prominently on the front cover (lower left corner), but you can also see both of us in the audience several times throughout the DVD. We're in the front row near the center of the stage.

We're really famous now!

We will both be available to sign copies of the DVD at Bob's performance in Philadelphia at the World Cafe Live on November 11th.

Titty Sprinkles

2007-10-09T14:13:00.000-05:00

What's been going on in my world latelty...

We went to another bear party this past weekend. It was actually a pool party... in October... and it was hot enough to actually get in the pool. That's pretty crazy! The bears were sweet and friendly, and most of them were pretty hot! Sadly, though, I am still not a bear. I am still only an otter.

Mumi managed to turn quite a few heads at the party in his skimpy little bathing suit. That made me feel really good since I knew at the end of the night, that he would be going home with me. Sadly, we couldn't stay at the party all night, since I had to go to work. Hopefully, next year, someone who is a cub and who lives in Bowie will give me a little more advance notice about upcoming bear parties, so that I can be sure to take off work on those nights. I'm sure you all know just how frisky those horny bears can get after sundown, but we missed all that fun!

We joined that gay porn version of Netflix called NYMMedia that DBud blogged about last week. We have already received, watched, copied and returned two movies. Arabesque and Tailpipes. I can really see us getting a lot of use out of this service, since we have no decent gay porn shops at all anywhere close to us. I already have a few more titles in my queue just waiting to be delivered to my horny little hands.

Somewhere along the way, over this past weekend, I picked up a cold. Usually, colds don't stick around too long with me. I'm hoping that will be the case with this one also. I probably only got sick because I worked so damn much this weekend. It was certainly one of those weekends from hell, workwise that is.

Well, that's about as exciting as my world gets at the moment. Now, how about you? What's been happening in your little slice of life lately?

In The Shade of the Porcupine Tree

2007-10-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

The Bald Monkey: Well, are you keeping yourself busy now that all of the concerts and amusement parks are over?
Mumi: Ah! But, they are not quite over. We are just switching gears a bit.
The Bald Monkey: More Rush concerts and roller coasters?
Mumi: Not quite. It's the Halloween season, so all the goblins and ghouls are out for a fright fest. I think we'll be going on some haunted hayrides or wandering through some corn field mazes or going through some scary haunted houses. Want to come along?
The Bald Monkey: No way! Not me! That kind of stuff scares me, and then I stay up late at night thinking about it.
Mumi: Oh, and of course, over the next two weekends we will be rocking out in the shadow of the Porcupine Tree.
The Bald Monkey: Now, that sounds like more my thing. Where and when are the shows?
Mumi: This Friday October 12th over in Arlington at the State Theater. Then, Saturday October 13th up in New York City at the Beacon Theatre. Then, the following Saturday October 20th in Atlantic City for my 30th P-Tree show at the Trump Marina.
The Bald Monkey: Awesome! I must go to all three.
Mumi: Yeah. I guess you can tag along.
The Bald Monkey: You usually do more P-Tree shows, don't you?
Mumi: Yeah, but we did four last spring and after all the Rush shows we, decided to only go to three P-Tree shows that are all close enough to drive home from the same night.
The Bald Monkey: So, are they still touring for the Fear Of A Blank Planet album?
Mumi: Kind of, but they have a new EP out called Nil Recurring. It's four songs that runs about 30 minutes. It's kind of a companion piece to the Fear album. They released it on their own label and only printed 5,000 copies. 3,000 to sell online and 2,000 to sell on the road. The 3,000 copies sold out in six days, so they pressed some more, and now there should be enough for everyone.
The Bald Monkey: So, they will still be playing "Anesthetize" in addition to the new EP?
Mumi: I hope so. It's funny that you mention that song.
The Bald Monkey: Why is that?
Mumi: That's the one that is played during the intermission at the Rush shows, because Lerxst plays on it. It runs about 17 minutes long, so it fits well for a 20 minute break.
The Bald Monkey: Fascinating!
Mumi: Ha ha ha ha! Bubala and I go to this really cool diner close to our house called the Honeybee. We always go there, and if you come visit us, we go eat there because it's very gay friendly for Glen Burnie and we have become friends with the owner. Well, they recently remodeled and put in one of those Internet jukeboxes. So, while we were waiting for a booth on one Sunday morning, we noticed that Porcupine Tree was on the jukebox so Bubala suggested that I play "Anesthetize." It took a whole dollar to play, but it started playing and whereas most songs are over in about 5 minutes or less, this one just keeps going and going. Like I said before, the song is 17 minutes long. It makes all the rounds from hypnotic rock with lyrics about prescription drug abuse to acrobatic death metal with lyrics suggesting that we have become consumer culture zombies to a somewhat ambient moody ending reflecting loss.
The Bald Monkey: So, what was the Honeybee's reaction?
Mumi: Well, I don't think many people heard it that first time. It was a crowded Sunday breakfast rush crowd.
The Bald Monkey: First time? You mean you played it again?
Mumi: Yeah. We've played it quite a few times now. There was one time when this gay couple was in there with us, and they had played "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" and then " Gypsy Tramps & Thieves." Then, all of a sudden, "Anesthetize" came on and it's playing... and it keeps playing, and we are all eating our food. It gets to the point where in the song where it is really rocking thunderously and one of the other gay guys who is obviously waiting for his other songs to play while he is eating asks the waitress, "Who is this playing?" She looks at the jukebox and comes back and replies, in a thick southern Baltimore accident, "It says Porcupine Tree or something‘ like that." The gay guy goes, "Hmmm... Interesting." You could tell that he was hating it big time and he wanted it to end then and now. And all the while, it's playing "Only apathy, from the pills in me. It's all in me, it's all in you. Only M-TV and cod philosophy. It's all in me and all in you." Bubala and I just kept eating like we were listening to the best dinner music ever. And trying really hard not to bust out laughing...
The Bald Monkey: So, you really have been following P-Tree for some time, huh?
Mumi: Yes. Their "Sky Moves Sideways" CD was the first thing Bubala ever gave me back when he was my manager at Tower Records in 1995. It was a free promo copy, and he told me that it was very good. which means that he probably never even listened to it. Now, he has been forced to listen to it and many other P-Tree CD's like it thousands of times. And, he is forced to go on wild and crazy journeys following the Porcupine Tree all around. He's met and hung out with the band. On the last tour, they even made him a roadie for a night. So, who knows what exciting thing are going top happen on this round of dates. I'm sure that we'll see lots of our other P-Tree road friends and maybe even make some new ones and add a few more dates to the ever growing list...

Wheaton, MD -Phantasmagoria - 5/26/99
Bethlehem, PA - Zoellner Arts Center (Nearfest) - 6-23-01
Philadelphia, PA Relapse Records (In store performance) - 6/25/01
Philadelphia, PA –TLA 6/25/01
Philadelphia, PA –TLA - 7-26-02
Baltimore, MD -Thunder Dome - 7-27-02
Baltimore, MD –Fletcher's - 11-7-02
Washington DC - 9:30 Club - 7-21-03
Washington DC - 9:30 Club - 5-13-05:
Asbury Park, NJ - Stone Pony - 5-14-05shi
Boston, MA - Somerville Theater - 5-18-05n
NYC, NY - Irving Plaza - 5-20-05
Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero -5-21-05
Washington DC - 9:30 Club -9-26-05
Philadelphia, PA - Keswick Theater - 9-27-05
Providence, RI - Lupo's - 9-28-05
Boston, MA Virgin Mega Store (In store performance) 9-30-05
Boston, MA Berklee Theater- 9-30-05
NYC, NY Town Hall - 10-1-05
Chicago, Il -Park West - 10-11-05
Chicago, Il Park West - 10-12-05
Boston, MA Newbury Comics (In store performance) - 10-5-06
Boston, MA Berklee Performance Center - 10-5-06
NYC,NY Nokia Theatre - 10-6-06
Philadelphia, PA Keswick Theater - 10-7-06
Falls Church, VA - State Theatre - 10-8-06
NYC - Nokia Theater - 5-19-07
Baltimore, MD- Ram's Head Live - 5-22-07
Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory - 5-23-07
Boston, MA - The Roxy - 5-25-05
Falls Church, VA - 10-12-07
NYC - Beacon Theatre - 10-13-07
Atlantic City, NJ -Trump Marina - 10-20-07

But Seriously...

2007-10-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday, Mumi and I hung out with our great friends, Tim and Donn at their annual Hunky Gay Guy Party. Those guys must know every hot, gay man in the Middle-Atlantic area. At one point during the night, I almost literally had to swim though the sea of handsome, hairy-faced hunks just to move around and mingle at the party. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. In fact, I rather enjoyed squeezing my way through the maze of masculinity.

Hmmmmm... That just gave me an idea. You know how they have those cornfield mazes every year around Halloween time? Well, how cool would it be if all of the hot, gay men got together and formed a Man Maze? We could all squeeze our way around through the Maze Of Men. We could even stick an ugly one in here and there just to make it a little scary. It is Halloween time, after all. Wow! That would be awesome! A hell of a lot better than traipsing around through some old, dead corn, huh?

But, I digress... Back to the man party...

So, we had a swell time at the party hanging out with DBud and his Husband, Rob. If you haven't had the pleasure of hanging with DBud before, I highly recommend that you do. He is a wealth of useful information on many different and varied subjects. I learned a lot about porn and sex and sex toys. Oh yeah, and feet too...

Our friend Greg, The Bowie Cub, was there also. Of course, you know he was only there to collect more phone numbers for his fish bowl. He is so good at that. He makes me so jealous. He is just so friendly and can talk to anyone. I'm shy and grumpy, so I'm more the wallflower type. I guess I'm getting better at the whole social thing though. A few times during the party, strange men came up to me, and we chatted, and they touched me in inappropriate places. That's progress as far as I'm concerned!

Cheech & Chong's Next Blog

2007-10-01T08:37:00.001-05:00

We had a blast at the bear party this weekend as you can plainly see in the following photo of us taken at the party:

Speaking Of Manhunt...

2007-09-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

If you ever see me on Manhunt, and you want to try to impress me with a clever pick up line, let me assure you that this one definitely will not work on me:

"Hey man. Do you own a 2 headed dildo by chance??"

That is all...

3

2007-09-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

Today, I did three different things that I have not done in a very long time.

First, during the early afternoon, I stopped by the local community college. I am very seriously considering going back to school to get a degree in something. (I just haven't figured out what yet!) Over the past 19 years, I have accumulated two semesters worth of credits that really don't add to too much of anything when you put them all together.

So, today, I went to the college to take a few placement tests for Math and English. The purpose of the tests was to see what I already knew about both subjects, so the college can determine which courses I am eligible to sign up for. I scored very highly on the English exams and, surprisingly, I did reasonably well on the Math tests too. I am eligible to sign up for college-level credit courses in both subjects. That's pretty impressive considering that I have not set foot in an English or a Math class for over 19 years!

I have to admit, however, that the tests were not quite as easy as I thought they'd be. I really had to reach pretty far into the back of my brain to remember how to do some of those Algebra problems.

The second thing I did today that I have not done in quite a long time was go hiking. Last year, I went hiking just about every other day during the Spring and Summer months. I don't know what happened to me this year though. I bought my Maryland State Parks season pass very early in the year, but I just never made it out to the parks. Ah well, there is still some time left this year. Hopefully, I'll get out a few more times before it gets too cold. It really is beautiful out there in so many ways, and, for me at least, a good hike refreshes my body and clears my mind like nothing else can.

Finally, on the way back home from the hike today, I did something that I used to do all of the time, but have not done for years now. I took the long way home. I turned off onto a road that I had never been on before in my life, and I just drove. I had no idea where the road would lead to. I just figured that eventually I would come upon something that I recognized. It was a nice long way 'round too. I drove along some narrow, winding roads in a very old part of Howard County, Maryland. The houses and scenery were beautiful. Sometimes, it is nice to just go some place that you have never been to before. To see something beautiful and new. Sometimes, it is nice to wander.

Eventually, I ended up on some familiar roads that led me back home, but I was so glad that I had taken the long way to get there. I had certainly taken the road less traveled, and it really did make all the difference.

No New Tale To Tell

2007-09-25T09:54:00.000-05:00

I only wish that my life was more exciting so that I would have something thrilling and/or tantalizing to post here. I am truly stumped today. I've got nothing.

Anyone have any questions? Anything you'd like to know? Go ahead, don't be afraid to ask. Nothing is off limits. I have no secrets. (Or shame, I suppose...)

Fire away!

"R & R"

2007-09-21T16:15:00.000-05:00

The Bald Monkey: Well, you've been doing a lot of running around lately, huh?
Mumi: The usual Bubala and Mumi R & R stuff. I'm a relatively mellow kind of guy, because I'm old now.
The Bald Monkey: R&R? Rest & Relaxation? Rock & Roll?
Mumi: Yeah, all of those, but I think we prefer RUSH and Roller coasters.
The Bald Monkey: Oh, I see. More of that shite again. Don't you get tired of it all?
Mumi: Well, yeah. The roller coaster thing is kind of getting old. On the other hand, I went to my 35th RUSH concert at Madison Square Garden in NYC last Monday night.
The Bald Monkey: And, how was it?
Mumi: They played better in Ohio a few weeks ago. It's the last few dates of the third leg of this tour. They could use some R&R before heading to Europe next month. The show went well though. The energy level from the band is always very high even though they are all in their mid 50's. They still rock out in all the odd time signatures the same way they have always done. They even rock harder now than I think a lot of their audience can keep up with. Not the real fans. They are always nuts. Because RUSH plays such big venues, however, a lot of the folks that show up are just there to see a concert. I watch these "fans" sometimes during the second set, standing there, arms folded, occasionally looking at their watches and wondering how much longer RUSH can possibly play and wishing it was all over so they could just go home. Then, next day they can go to work and brag about how they saw a RUSH concert and, "man they were awesome!"
The Bald Monkey: And you?
Mumi: I am a frantic monkey. From the time Neil hits beat one until the final crash of the last song, I don't stop dancing. I just wish I had more room to dance on Monday. There was a whole lot of "I'm going to bring my girlfriends" there. Everyone knows that most girls hate RUSH. Their audience has always been at least 80% male, so all of these guys end up bringing their wives and girlfriends who don't always rise to the beat that continues for a 3 hour total assault on your senses. If you keep up with it like I do, at the end you usually are ready for a little R&R before the next show.
The Bald Monkey: Are there are a lot of old farts like you there?
Mumi: It's strange. The core audience will always be the guys like me who grew up with RUSH. Most of us are between 35 and 50. There are also a few woman like us. Of course, we all bring our spouses. RUSH has become very multigenerational though. There are a lot of young kids who started listening to RUSH either through their parents or on their own. I've seen lots of fathers and sons and families and even groups of teenagers at RUSH shows. Some of these 10 year old kids know the words better than I do, and I've been singing them almost all of my life. So, their audience is still evolving after 33 years.
The Bald Monkey: So, does Bubala get into it?
Mumi: No, not really. He's more like the wife who stands there looking at his watch and wishing it was over. He has other responsibilities though. He's not there just to see a RUSH show. He has to set up my air musical gear, buy RUSH swag, take pictures and observe everything that I can't because my level of concentration is on a completely different plane.
The Bald Monkey: Does that mean you smoke a lot of reefer during RUSH shows?
Mumi: Dude! Are they are playing "Bangkok" on this tour?
The Bald Monkey: No way. They never play "Bangkok."
Mumi: Dude. This tour, they are playing "A Passage To Bangkok" in full for the first time since 1980. (My first RUSH tour.)
The Bald Monkey: So, you are smoking up?
Mumi: Yes. A lot of us are. The floor of MSG smelled just like a big old skunk farm Monday night.
The Bald Monkey: Well, alright! That's kind of cool in a retro kind of way. Being at MSG at a RUSH concert and everyone is high and singing.
Mumi: Yes sir!
The Bald Monkey: Did any thing else exciting happen?
Mumi: Yes. I have to tell everyone that I have the absolute best ever husband in the whole entire universe. Better then anyone else's ever in all of time.
The Bald Monkey: Why is that?
Mumi: Because not only does he do all of that stuff up above, but last night, he scored one little victory and caught one of the special limited edition RUSH T-shirts that the band throws out during the encore. He caught it directly from HRH King Lerxst himself.
The Bald Monkey: Really? That's great.
Mumi: Yeah. They must have known that it was going to be my last show and so Lerxst threw it right to Bubala.
The Bald Monkey: What does it say?

Mumi: Well, first let me explain. A few tours ago, Geddy Lee realized that in order to get the warm and dry bass sounds he desired, he should use a few Maytag dryers with microphones in front of them. The dryers were filled with special Limited edition T shirts that the band would throw out to the audience at the end of each show. Even though I was right down there in the first few rows on the Vapor Trails tour and the 30th Anniversary tour, I never caught one. On this tour, Ged decided that in order to get that perfect bass tone, the dryers were all dried up and he was looking for a more flavorful, tasty tone. So, playing his bass through three rotisserie chicken ovens full of cooking chickens that are basted regularly throughout the show has done wonders for the tenderness of his bass parts.
The Bald Monkey: I see. So, what is your T-shirt like?

The Bald Monkey: So, does this do it for the RUSH shows?
Mumi: Well, I would say until the next tour, but I have heard rumors that this tour will resume in the early spring of next year. Rumor is that the band will do some more U.S. east coast dates. So, who knows. The ceiling is unlimited. Until the time is now again, trust me I'm a man of GED.

Not Like You Really Care, But...

2007-09-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

Here are my official 2007 roller coaster statistics for your perusal.

This year, I took...
144 rides on
115 different roller coasters in
25 different amusement parks.
66 of those were roller coasters that I had never ridden before.

Total number of feet traveled on roller coaster tracks this year:

over 336,514

That's over 64 miles!

Total number of different roller coasters I've ridden so far in this lifetime:

216

View the complete list of roller coasters that I've ridden here.

Here are my favorites:

Wooden Coaster: El Toro at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey
Steel Coaster: Maverick at Cedar Point in Ohio
Honorable Mention: Mystery Mine at Dollywood in Tennessee

Yep, I'm a nerd all right!

My Blur Has Been A Life

2007-09-17T09:57:00.000-05:00

Not that I am complaining. It's nice to be popular. We have been such social, little, busy butterflies lately.

Let's see...

We went to Six Flags in New Jersey with Shane and David on Saturday. That was a lot of fun for me, of course. It was probably a lot more like work for the rest of the gang though. I can be a bit of a tyrant and/or dictator at amusement parks. As soon as we get there, my mind and body go into maximum overdrive. I take off towards the rides, and I don't slow down until we have ridden every roller coaster in the park at least once.

"What do you mean you want to stop for lunch?!? We've only been here for five hours, for Pete's sake!"

"No! You cannot stop to take a piss! Hold it in! We haven't ridden that Wild Mouse over there yet!"

"No, I don't care if your feet are all blistered and bleeding and you can't stand upright any longer, get into that next roller coaster line already!"

Yep, that's me all right. It must be such a treat to go to amusement parks with me. Anyone interested in coming along on the next trip?

We were home in plenty of time to make it to Blowoff on Saturday night, but after running around all day and getting banged up on the steel and wooden monster machines, we just weren't up to it. So, we missed out on the Saliva Pit action again this month. Of course, now that I think about it, we were at Blowoff last month and we still missed out on the Saliva Pit action somehow. I'm beginning to have my doubts about whether the Saliva Pit really exists.

Anyway, on Friday night, we hung out with a brand new bud named Kris. We had met him at Blowoff last month while dancing shyly next to him for a bit. We had only exchanged names and bear hugs though, and so I figured that was that. Then, last week, I saw him again on Manhunt. We got to chatting and set up a dinner date. We had a swell time hanging out with him. He's a super nice guy and VERY hot! I'm sure that we'll be seeing more of him, and maybe we'll just start our own Saliva Pit here in Glen Burnie...

The fun doesn't stop there though...

Tonight, we are headed to New York City and Madison Square Garden to see Rush again for like the millionth time this year. Oh Joy! I guess that's what I get though for dragging the Bald Monkey onto all of those roller coasters this summer. Should be a fun night. New York City is always a good time.

Oh yeah, today, while I was on Ticketbastard checking to see if any better seats had been released for the show tonight, a really cool word came as the verification code on the Ticketbastard Website. The word was hornify. I immediately decided that hornify had to become a part of my everyday vocabulary.

For example:

"The thought of hanging out in the Saliva Pit with all of those hot Blowoff studs sure does hornify me."

or...

"I took one look at that hot stud, Kris, and I was immediately hornified."

or...

"Roller coasters are hornifyingly transcendent, in my opinion."

C'mon everybody, let's get hornified!

Thursdays With Mumi

2007-09-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

Mumi thinks that I am just a super swell, all around great guy boyfriend because on most Thursdays lately, I have been bringing his favorite lunch from Panera Bread to him at work. Well, don't tell him, but the real reason that I am going to Panera Bread every Thursday is to see Kenny.

*Sigh!*

Kenny is a sandwich maker at Panera, and he is absolutely dreamy. A little bearish with a full beard and chest hairs flowing out above of the collar of his shirt. Beautiful bluish green eyes that could melt my heart. He can slap his meat between my buns any day of the week. Of course, since he works at Panera Bread, you know he must be gay.

Today, when he saw me, his face lit up. He smiled and said, "Hey there. How are you doing?"

I'm sure I blushed as replied back that I was just fine.

"That's good", he said.

It's so obvious that he is totally hot for me, isn't it?

I watched him carefully crafting sandwiches for a few minutes until he hollered out the words that I hate most to hear while waiting in line at Panera Bread on Thursdays... the order number at the bottom of my receipt. Mumi's sandwich was ready.

Darn!

Pornquest

2007-09-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

I went porn shopping with a friend today in Washington, D.C. There are no good gay porn outlets here in the Baltimore area, so I figured that I'd give Our Nation's Capital a try. I was looking for a particular movie released earlier this year called Mirage. The movie is jam packed with hot, hard, hairy men licking, sucking and just sexing it all up with each other. (Including my part-time boyfriend, Steve Cruz!)

The clerks at all three shops that we went to had no idea what movie I was asking them about, but they all did have plenty of hairless twink vids, lots of fisting flicks, too many thug DVD's to count and more piss pictures than you could shake your dick at. Is that what all of the "bois" are into these days?

Disappointed, but not yet completely defeated, I figured that I would head on over to the porn capital of D.C., also known as this guy's neighborhood! I had already read so much about the "gay book store" over there that I was sure that they would have the smut that I was seeking. Of course, not being all that familiar with the area, I had to do a little searching around to actually find the shop.

After about a half an hour of wandering aimlessly up and the down the streets, I found it. It was just as I had imagined it too. Complete with the "tacky billboard in front of the store with cut-out photos of half naked men from porn magazines."

So, with renewed vigor and enthusiasm, I reached for the door knob to let myself into the porno emporium. It was locked. WTF?!? It was only then that I noticed the crude, hand lettered, torn cardboard sign in the front window. It read, "Store no open today 'til 3:00pm." It was only 1:30pm. Sh*t! Unfortunately, I couldn't wait around for the store to open, so I was going to have to go home empty handed and completely flaccid today.

Ah well. Maybe I should just buy my porn on the Internet like everyone else, huh?

Artsy Tuesday: A Photo & A Poem

2007-09-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

Original photo by Mumi. Digitally enhanced by frigiddigital.

Intimate Strangers - an original poem by Bubala

I am a strange one.
I enjoy hanging around in graveyards
Reading off the tombstones.
And, if I knew you any better,
I might sit inside my car
Outside of your house at night.
Waiting to catch a glimpse of you
Through your open window.
So, maybe it's better
If we remain intimate strangers
Through the glass.

Sometimes,
I pretend that I am more special than the rest of the world.
That I am not at all disturbed.
I picture all of the happy events of my life
Unfolding beautifully
Right there before my eyes.
And, I see you there.
Through my windshield.
Through your living room window.
But, I'm smart enough to know
That is not enough.

So, I want to crash through
To the other side
And hold you in my arms.
You are frightened and confused.
But, you must love me.
Right?
I can see the joy there
In your eyes.
Hidden way down below.
Beneath the broken glass and fractured skin.
You really do love me.

Suddenly, I am filled with a calm
Like I have never felt before.
I could die right there.
Right now.

Like I told you before,
I am a strange one.
I rather enjoy plucking the wings off of horse flies
And then watch them try in vain
To fly away.
So, maybe it's better
For me
And for you
If we only remain
Intimate strangers.
Through the glass.

Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is?

2007-09-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

I went back to Cleveland this past Tuesday for the second time in one week. This time, it was for business. As you can maybe imagine, a bingo caller is not required to go on a lot of business trips. In fact, this was the first one I ever had to go on with this job, and I have been there for over seven years.

Anyway, I have not flown all that much since eleven-nine. (I'm European.) So, I do not know all of the security rules and regulations. Because of this, I get very nervous when traveling through security checkpoints at airports.

While my bag is rolling through the x-ray machine, I worry to myself, "Is it legal to bring fingernail clippers on a plane?" Or, "Is the bag screener going to mistake my nine inch black dildo for a billy club?" Or, "Did I remember to take that Ginsu meat cleaver out of the secret compartment of my carry on bag before I left for the airport this morning?"

So, of course, you can imagine how much I was sweating when a TSA agent picked my bag up off of the conveyor belt and asked, "Whose bag is this?"

I raised my hand, timidly, and nervously muttered that it was mine.

"Could you please step over here sir?" The officer asked.

I did what I was told. He took me off to a secluded corner of the screening area.

"Do you have any knives or other sharp objects in your bag today, sir?" I was asked.

"Um, I have fingernail clippers, but I thought that they were legal to carry on," I said as I reached to open the zipper pouch on the front of my bag.

"Do not touch the bag, sir!" The officer bellowed.

I withdrew my hand very quickly.

"I'm going to have to open your bag and look inside, sir." The officer said.

"No problem," I replied, trying to sound as cool as possible even though I was terrified that they were going to open my bag and find WMD's hidden in there or something like that.

The officer pulled open the front zipper pouch and poked around inside there with a wooden stick. Suddenly, his eyes opened up very widely as he quickly snapped on a rubber glove and reached in to my bag.

"Oh shit," I thought. This is it. I'm going to jail. Obviously, there is something in my bag that shouldn't be there. I thought that I was careful. I really did. I left my brass knuckles at home. I left my buck knife at home. I didn't pack any handguns this time. What in the hell was he going to find in there?

Then, to the gasps and horror of everyone within sight, he slowly pulled out this...

Yep, that's right, my tire pressure gauge. The same one that had been in my bag through three other security checkpoints and on three previous flights, all without incident or embarrassment.

I really do wonder sometimes. Do they really know what they are looking for, or are they just making it up as they go along?

Return From The Land Of Rush & Rollercoasters

2007-09-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Bald Monkey: So, you guys are back from your RUSH and rollercoasters trip?
Mumi: Yeah!
The Bald Monkey: So, how was it?
Mumi: Hold your fire. I'm still unpacking my adjectives...

Okay, I'm done now. It was great. We had a really fun time. The weather was actually really nice everywhere we went, so we didn't get swept away in the high water. The sun was a little intense at times while waiting in line for coasters, but the hot mens factor in the parks was great eye candy during the boring waits.
The Bald Monkey: So, you had fun at the parks?
Mumi: I had fun at Cedar "Arrow." Bubala and I spent a fantastic day there together on Friday, but after having spent four hours there on Thursday followed by a 3 hour Rush concert Thursday night and then eleven more hours there on Friday, by the time we got to "A Farewell To Kings Island" on Saturday, I must admit that I was quite over the families and their unruly kids and with waiting in in line in the heat.
The Bald Monkey: But, you had a good time at Cedar Point?
Mumi: Yeah. Cedar "Arrow" is so gay. No, I mean Sooooooo Gayyyyyy. We even saw a couple of those crazy Lez-beans holding hands. They were obviously very in love. I kept wanting to hold Bubala's hand in the lines, but you know that is not allowed. If you didn't see the gays in line or walking around the park, then there were plenty of them to be seen operating the rides. And, you know the park just had to give these megalomaniacal, microphone wearing queens the freedom of witty speech with their pre-ride instructional speeches, because they were talking up a storm. My favorite thing that I heard one of them say was, "Please do not sit on the silver handrails while waiting in line. The silver hand rails are our friends, and we don't sit on our friends." You could just tell that it was something he looked forward to saying every day that he worked.
The Bald Monkey: So, you and Bubala rode a lot of coasters there?
Mumi: Yeah, but you'll have to ask him for details about all of that. But, be prepared for an earful. He's a big roller coaster nerd and will probably try to tell you who made all of the coasters, how old they are, how tall, how fast, what kind of supports. All that boring stuff. When he goes on and on about it while we're standing in line, I just kind of look around and hope that no one thinks that we're together.

"Who me? I've never seen that guy before in my life. I'm just a single rider."
The Bald Monkey: And, how were the Rush concerts?
Mumi: Fantastic and energetic. A local college radio station in Cleveland was playing an 18 hour RUSH marathon while we were there. They were playing all kinds of obscure Rush tunes like the 18 minute long "Hemispheres." Cleveland is where RUSH first started getting radio airplay of there independent first album. That led to them getting signed to a major label back in 1974. After 33 years, they have a developed big following around those parts. That's why there are three shows in just that one state.

The Cleveland venue was a pain in the ass to get to. We left in plenty of time, but played creepy crawly in the traffic for about 6 miles. There actually is a concert venue worse than the Nissan Pavilion. We were almost late for the show, but after jogging through the endless parking lot, I finally managed to make it to my seat with only about five minutes to spare. Then, I danced like crazy for the rest of the night.
The Bald Monkey: Dance? You can't dance to Rush.
Mumi: Sure you can. It's just a little more intense and spacious then regular dancing. And, there are a lot of air drums fills and air guitar and air bass solos involved.
The Bald Monkey: Oh. I see.
Mumi: That's why I need Bubala to go to the shows with me. All of those air drums and air guitars can get really heavy. I'm mean, that's a lot of air equipment. And then there are the air amps. Bubala makes a great air roadie. He even sets the stuff up for me. Except in Cleveland. I had to do it myself there, because we were late.
The Bald Monkey: And, how was the Cincinnati show?
Mumi: It was magical. Turns out we were in the 8th row and the place was right on the Ohio river across from Kentucky. America's heartland. There also was a little amusement park just outside of the venue where we got to ride another rollercoaster.
The Bald Monkey: A Bubala and Mumi wet dream. A roller coaster just outside of a RUSH concert.
Mumi: Truly! My favorite part was during the song "Workin' Them Angels" when the image of a soldier's silhouette with angel wings appears on the screen behind them. The crowd really responded to that. In fact, the crowds are really responding positively to the new Rush album, "Snakes & Arrows." It's theme is spirituality and the obvious religious battle between the Middle East and the Middle West. They are playing some older songs that have a lot of the same themes throughout them also.
The Bald Monkey: And, did the professor play a seven minute drum solo?
Mumi: It was more like 10 minutes.
The Bald Monkey: Will he go back to working for that watermelon in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie after the RUSH tour is over?
Mumi: Yeah. I think that's his real job. That, and riding motorcycles. I hear that he also wants to get into voiceover work for nature shows though.
The Bald Monkey: What else happened?
Mumi: Let's see Lerxst and Pratt were seen in bed together. Some old friends from SCTV showed up to introduce a song. Lerxst gets lost on the Leela playing board. (Plane of Dharma) The South Park guys showed up to introduce a song. Dirk almost gets fisted by a Scottish man in a kilt named Harry Satchel. And, for the sixth time during this RUSH tour, Bubala and I are left with incredible cravings for rotisserie chicken and absolutely no feelings that we have to go home and do laundry.

The Bald Monkey: I just can't see it all being worth it. Going to all of those RUSH concerts, I mean.
Mumi: You may be right. It might all be a huge waste of time. I guess that's just the chance I'm prepared to take. The danger I'm prepared to face. Cut to the chase.

Why I Don't Watch The News

2007-08-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

I usually do not watch the news on television. I can't stand it. It's so depressing and, most of the time, infuriating to me as well. Like last night, on CNN, for example. They were doing a piece on that creepy, Idahoan, closeted, scary, old, restroom sex seeking, Republican man. Some ignorant bitch was interviewing some police officer about it all. The bitch closed the interview by saying something like, "Of course, the most important question that is on all of our minds right now is, just how safe are our children in these public restrooms?"

WTF?!!?!?

Oh yeah, that's right! All the homos are also pedophiles. Wow, how could I have forgotten that? It's right there, in the homo handbook on page 69. "Thou shalt stalk thy straight neighbors' children."

What a f@#!ing ignorant bitch!

I would expect that sort of stupid question from someone on Fox News, but CNN?

I hate television news...

I Bet I'd Make A Great Fluffer!

2007-08-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

I got my first offer to be in a porno movie the other day. Apparently, it is a XXX rated horror movie. I was asked if I wanted to to participate in the gay zombie orgy scene. The writer/director also said that he would write a scene just for Mumi and me if I wasn't comfortable with the whole orgy thing. I like orgies just fine though.

I don't know what scares me more. The thought that someone is actually currently filming a XXX rated horror movie somewhere in Baltimore, or the fact that I am really seriously considering being in the XXX-horror movie currently being filmed somewhere in Baltimore.

One Week Later...

2007-08-27T14:14:00.000-05:00

Snippets From A Recent Conversation...

The Bald Monkey: Well Mumi, are we feeling better this week?
Mumi: Yes, thanks for asking.
The Bald Monkey: You know, in those pictures of you where you are crying, it almost looks like Bubala has his stiff one up there, and you just can't take it and you are crying like a little girly man.
Mumi: You didn't ask me here to talk about that, did you?
The Bald Monkey: Well, no. Mostly, I just asked you here to see how you are. Now, if you would give me the good news first.
Mumi: Oh, okay. Today is Lerxst's Birthday.
The Bald Monkey: Oh really? How old is he?
Mumi: He's 54.
The Bald Monkey: 54? And just think, some hot 17 year old's grandmother still thinks he's sexy.
Mumi: Lots of them still do.
The Bald Monkey: And, are you going to his birthday party?
Mumi: Well, you know how everyone is having those birthday weeks these days, so we are going to go spend some time with him later this week.
The Bald Monkey: So, does that mean that you and Bubala are planning another one of your excellent adventures?
Mumi: Yes we are.
The Bald Monkey: What is this one called?
Mumi: Oh, this excellent adventure has a great title:

Rush & Rollercoasters Book II: The Ohiospheres

The Bald Monkey: Awesome title. What's the plan this time?
Mumi: Well, on Wednesday afternoon, August 29th, we travel on the road to adventure on an open highway, straight to the heart of the sun like lovers and heroes and the restless part of everyone.

Here's the itinerary:

August 30th: RUSH - Cleveland - (13th row Pratt's center)
August 31st: Cedar "Arrow" to ride some roller coasters.
September 1st: "Snakes" Island for more coasters.
September 1st: (evening) RUSH - Cincinnati (11th row Dirk's side)

Then, we come home. We can't do the Columbus show, because Bubala has to work every now and then.
The Bald Monkey: Boy, that sounds like a quite a trip. Didn't you two just see Rush and do some parks only a few months ago?
Mumi: Yes, we did. We saw them in Virginia Beach, VA, Bristow, VA, Pittsburgh, PA and Camden, NJ. And, we did some amusement parks in there too.
The Bald Monkey: Isn't one RUSH concert enough?
Mumi: No! No! No! I'm not giving up on the promise of adventure to sit inside and think of something witty to blog about. Or, worse yet make something up to blog about. Bubala and I are spirits with a vision. That's a dream with a mission and from first to last, the peak is never passed. Something always fires that light that gets in our eyes.
The Bald Monkey: Isn't this all a little extreme though? All of theses RUSH shows and roller coasters?
Mumi: Well, you know, when you're young, wandering the face of the earth, wondering what your dreams might be worth, learning that you're only immortal for a limited time, you tend want to roll the bones a little.
The Bald Monkey: I suppose you have heard that Ohio has been having some inclement weather recently?
Mumi: What is round on both sides and soggy in the middle?
The Bald Monkey: Aren't you a little bit scared that they may get some more bad weather while you are there?
Mumi: Yeah. An ill wind could come arising across the cities of the plain. There would be no swimming in the heavy water and no singing in the acid rain. And, we could get caught in a spindrift. Bubala and I will be workin' them angels overtime, but you know we can only grow the way the wind blows.
The Bald Monkey: Okay... Any main monkey business planned for this trip?
Mumi: Well, just Entre Nous, if the circumstances go well and we don't get caught between the wheels of time, we might be able to exercise our free will and get some of that secret touch.
The Bald Monkey: I see. Well, that's far cry from sitting at home making things up for a blog.
Mumi: Well, you know it's the trips and shows that give us hope. They give us strength, so we hold on.
The Bald Monkey: So, that's why you do it?
Mumi: Yes. Celebrate the moment as it turns into one more. The greatest act can be one little victory.
The Bald Monkey: Well, I wish you a safe journey. You and Bubala are certainly driven.
Mumi: You can do a lot in a lifetime if you don't burn out too fast. First you need endurance. First you've got to last.
The Bald Monkey: Can I ask one last question of malignant narcissism?
Mumi: No, he's only allowed to post the G-rated pictures of me on the blog.
The Bald Monkey: That's not the question I was going to ask. I was going to ask you how you really view life?
Mumi: Oh! Sure, that's an easy one. To me, life is just one big series of RUSH concerts.

September 26, 1980 Capital Centre, Largo, MD (Permanent Waves Tour 80)
May 16, 1981 Capital Centre, Largo, MD
May 17, 1981 Capital Centre, Largo, MD (Moving Pictures Tour 81)
November 29, 1982 Capital Centre, Largo, MD (Signals Tour 82)
September 27, 1984 Capital Centre, Largo, MD (Grace Under Pressure Tour 84)
December 16, 1985 Capital Centre, Largo, MD
April 17, 1986 Civic Center, Baltimore, MD (Power Windows Tour 85-86)
November 30, 1987 Capital Centre, Largo, MD (Hold Your Fire Tour 87)
May 5, 1990 Capital Centre, Largo, MD
June 4, 1990 Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD (Presto Tour 90)
December 4, 1991 Capital Centre, Largo, MD
June 16, 1992 Merriweather Post Pavilion, Columbia, MD (Roll The Bones Tour 91-92)
April 26, 1994 USAir Arena, Largo, MD (Counterparts Tour 94)
November 6, 1996 CoreStates Center, Philadelphia, PA
November 7, 1996 USAir Arena, Largo, MD *
June 20 1997 Nissan Pavilion Bristow, VA (Test For Echo Tour 96-97)

(There were no RUSH concerts between 1998 and 2001)

July 3, 2002 Verizon Wireless Amphitheater Virginia Beach, VA
July 9, 2002 Nissan Pavilion, Bristow, VA
July 14, 2002 Tweeter Center, Camden, NJ
August 6, 2002 Post-Gazette Pavilion Pittsburgh, PA
October 15, 2002 Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD
October 27, 2002 First Union Center Philadelphia, PA (Vapor Trails Tour 2002)
May 29, 2004 Verizon Wireless Amitheater Virginia Beach, VA
June 10, 2004 Blossom Music Center Cleveland, OH
August 3, 2004 Nissan Pavilion, Bristow, VA
August 4, 2004 Tweeter Center, Camden, NJ
August 18, 2004 Radio City Music Hall, NYC, NY
August 19, 2004 Radio City Music Hall, NYC, NY (30th Anniversary Tour 2004)
June 22, 2007 Verizon Wireless Amitheater Virginia Beach, VA
June 23, 2007 Nissan Pavilion, Bristow, VA
June 25, 2007 Post-Gazette Pavilion Pittsburgh, PA
July 6, 2007 Tweeter Center, Camden, NJ
August 30, 2007 Blossom Music Center Cleveland, OH
September 1, 2007 Riverbend Music Center Cincinnati, OH
September 17, 2007 Madison Square Garden NYC, NY (Snakes & arrows Tour 2007)

In 1996 RUSH went from having an opening act and then playing for two hours to dropping the opener and playing alone for three hours.

The * represents Bubala's first show and he's been at all the shows after it.

The last three shows are obviously forthcoming.

S.A.D. And So Early

2007-08-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

Well, the last few days have really gotten to me. Not only am I nursing a mean virus that I chased from my throat to my nose to my chest, back to my throat and now it seems to have moved to my eyes, but the weather has taken a big shift from brutally hot and muggy to rainy, overcast and almost cold. Add this to the shorter and shorter days that we are having, (I can tell because I bike in the evenings when it's cooler, and it's getting darker sooner) and I can tell it's going to be a bad one.

I decided that I hate all the other seasons except summer, which means my SAD is on full tilt for about nine months out of the year. Given my normal temperament and disposition, which ranges somewhere between an anti-social, "I hate everyone and want to punch them in their faces until their skulls cave in" and what I like to call a "super-sized, suicidal sundae," (It's so tempting, but just think of the calories!) I can only predict that this season's SAD with it's "world at war during an election year" and "fucking teenaged inbreeders popping their retarded children out all around us" might just be the worst ever. In fact, I really don't know how I will make it through another one. I'm not really sure if I even want to.

I've been thinking a lot about a blog entry written by DB about being miserable. It was sparked by an article about men in their late 30's and early 40's and how they are the most miserable people of all. I can understand straight men with families feeling that way. You are pretty much the cash cow for your wife and kids and when they say jump, you'd better. And, if my sexuality is not a choice then I guess his isn't either, so it just sucks to be him. I would be miserable too. I can understand a single gay/straight man between 35 and their early 40's being miserable too. At that age, if you want to be in a relationship, it gets harder and harder to find someone. People become more defensive after past failed attempts at relationships, so they tend to not want to get too close to anyone again.

What I can't understand is why a gay man in my position would be so miserable. (How dare me!) I've got it all in the palm of hands. I'm a nice looking guy with a very handsome husband whom I love dearly. We've been in a very successful relationship for over 11 years. (Just smack me!) I've got a cute little dog who is a constant reminder of how fun life can be. I live in a nice single family home in a relatively safe neighborhood. (Gag me with a pitch fork, then find a use for the other end!) Hell, I've even got a chain link fence. (Because it's more butch than a white picket fence.) Now, how can I possibly be miserable? We make enough money and our jobs allow us some time off, so we are comfortable and can even enjoy life a little. (Alright, now you're getting into dismemberment territory.) And, if the feeling does arise, we are secure enough in our relationship that if a "brief extracurricular encounter" happens' it will not rock the boat or tip the boat over. (That's it dude! That's the last straw! If you can't be happy in that sort of situation, I'm going to chop you up into little bits and feed you to the dogs next door. After all, if you can't be happy, how is everyone else supposed to be? Someone has to set an example for the rest of us to observe and say, "Oh! So that's what happiness looks like. We'll just copy them.")

Only I don't see any inspiring examples, because even Durban Bud says he's miserable too.

In the whole wide world there's no magical place
So you might as well rise, and put on your bravest face..

My Life Has Been Such A Whirlwind Since I Saw You

2007-08-21T01:20:00.000-05:00

My recent trip to upstate New York was nice. I started the week off in the Rochester/Buffalo area. I spent my first night there riding a few coasters at a nice little amusement park in Rochester right next to Lake Ontario called Seabreeze. They have an awesome spinning wild mouse coaster called Whirlwind. Their wooden coaster, Jack Rabbit, is nice too. The Jack Rabbit is 87 years old this year. I think that is one of the things that I like so much about riding roller coasters. Some of the rides have so much history. So many people have ridden on those same rails as me. Some of them are still living. Some of them are gone. But, we all shared that two minutes of sheer and utter joy/madness/terror... whatever it is for you. We all have that in common. It's all very special to me.

The next day, I jetted on over to Darien Lake in Darien Center, New York. Darien Lake is a larger park. Very spread out. It is not laid out all that well either. There are a lot of paths that lead to nowhere. Of course, being a man, I absolutely refused to pick up a park map to navigate my way around the park, so I ran into most of the dead ends at some time during the day. Darien Lake had five brand-spanking-new (new to me that is) roller coasters for me to conquer. Fortunately, the crowds were light and the lines were short, so I didn't have to wait very long for any of the rides. So, I rode all of the Darien Lake coasters at least once and then I moved on along to the next park.

Next stop on the Great Upstate Coaster Tour was Martin's Fantasy Island up near Niagra Falls in Grand Island, New York. Fantasy Island is another smaller park with only two roller coasters. One of them is another spinning wild mouse. The other is a nice double out and back wooden coaster called the Silver Comet. The Silver comet is what is called a hybrid coaster. The tracks are wooden, but the support structure is steel. Whatever it is, I liked it. So, I rode it twice.

There was also a Double Shot tower ride at Fantasy Island. I'm a big fan of tower rides, so I went on. As I was ascending the tower, I looked out, and I could see another amusement park off in the distance. It was Marineland over the border in Ontario, Canada. There is only one roller coaster at Marineland, so I hadn't made any plans to visit. Also, I was under the assumption that I would need a passport to cross the border. I would later find out that a passport was not needed to get into Canada.

By this time, it was about 4:30pm. I had ridden seven coasters already today, so I decided that it was time to quit coastering and check out the local sights. I was only six miles away from Niagra Falls and I had never been before, so I hopped in the car and headed North.

Niagra Falls was a blast. I took a ride into the falls on The Maid Of The Mist. While on the boat, I got to talking to a family from Ohio. They informed me that I did not need a passport to get into Canada like I had previously thought. They told me that a driver's license would be all that I needed. What?!? No passport??? Well, hell then. Canada, here I come!

The Canada border patrol police were certainly not the friendliest Canadians that I have ever met. One officer in particular kept asking me what brought me to the New York area.

Of course, my first response was, "An airplane."

He was not amused.

He asked me again. I answered very matter of factly this time that I was in New York to go to a few amusement parks and ride some roller coasters. Obviously, that wasn't the right answer either, because he asked me again, more sternly this time, what brought me to the New York area.

"Um, I've never been here before? I'm here to see the falls and check out Canada, Eh? And all that stuff?"

Wrong again!

Okay, I was completely stumped by now. I was about to call it quits and just give up and go back on home to America when he asked me one time what brought me to the New York area.

"I'm on vacation," I blurted out. "I'm just trying really, really hard to have a nice vacation and I thought that it would be fun to visit Canada while I'm here."

That must have been the right answer, because the unfriendly Canadian border patrol officer tossed my driver's license back in my face and very un-welcomingly invited me to come on in to Canada.

I have to admit that it really wasn't worth all of that hassle and humiliation to get into Niagra Falls, Canada. It was okay. A lot of touristy stuff. Haunted houses, souvenir shops, restaurants. I'm glad I did it once, but I don't feel the need to go back any time soon. To add insult to injury, I had to pay 50¢ to get out of Canada and back into America! That seems like much more of an American thing than a Canadian thing to do... Charge a toll just for people to get out of your country? Jeesh!

Anyway, I headed back across the border and back to the hotel to get some sleep before my big drive to the Albany area for the final leg of this amusement park trip.

The next day, bright and early, I was off to Great Escape Fun Park in Lake George, New York.

Great Escape is another larger park. It was originally called Storytown USA when it opened in the 1950's. There are a lot of fairy tale related props and stuff left over from the old days scattered throughout the park. The place reminded me a lot of the old Enchanted Forest here in Maryland. I had a great time for sure, but five more coasters later, I was really ready to head back to the hotel and get some rest.

All in all, I rode fifteen new coasters at four different parks in three days. Including air travel, I logged over 1,400 miles on this trip. As you can probably imagine, I was more than ready to hop on a plane and get my tired, old, nerdy roller coaster riding ass on home.

Of course, as soon as I opened the front door at home, my mind was already plotting out a new amusement park adventure. Like Mumi keeps saying to me though...

"Augustus... save some room for lay-tuh!"

I really am starting to believe that I have a serious problem here...

(P.S. I'll post some pics later!)

More Monkey Mondays

2007-08-20T16:09:00.000-05:00

Still no time to do a legitimate blog entry.
So, I'll just post another pic of my hot boyfriend!

(Yes, his banana really is that big...)

12 Things I Learned While Vacationing In Upstate New York

2007-08-15T22:00:00.000-05:00

Guns & Roses is still just as popular here as they ever were.
Mohawks are back in fashion. (Or, maybe they never went out of fashion up here?)
It costs 50¢ to get back into America from Canada.
Inbreeding is seemingly just as popular here as it is in Glen Burnie.
There are more Christian radio stations in upstate New York than there are in Georgia, Tennessee and South Carolina combined.
Nirvana is still just as popular here as they ever were.
You can't visit DurbanBud.com while using the free wi-fi at Panera Bread. (Restricted due to questionable content.)
Pearl Jam is still just as popular here as they ever were.
The guys up here are nowhere near as hot as they are back home.
Motel rooms make me very horny.
American border patrol police have an awful sense of humor.
Canadian border patrol police have no sense of humor.

Learning can be fun!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

2007-08-13T12:41:00.001-05:00

In a couple of hours, I'll be on a plane headed to Buffalo. Yep, it's time for another roller coaster trip. This time around, however, it's just me going. Mumi is staying at home... alone...

Someone come on over and keep him company. Okay?

This is what I am leaving behind to go ride some roller coasters?!?
Damn! I must really love those roller coasters!

You Shouldn't Have! Really!

2007-08-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

Wow guys! That was really swell of you to throw that awesome party just for me to celebrate my Birthday last night. That was really a super nice thing for you to do.

And, you two. How nice of you to throw a Blowoff party just for me on my Birthday. You guys are awesome too!

I'm truly flattered that you all care about me so much to go to all of that trouble just for little 'ol me!

Seriously though, if you missed either party last night, you missed out on a whole lot of furry, friendly, fantastic F-U-N!

The pre-Blowoff/housewarming party was awesome. The new place looks fabulous guys. Thanks for the invitation to celebrate your new digs. We really did have a swell time. Hanging with the D.C. boys is always a lot of fun!

And, as for Blowoff, all I can say is, "Wow!"

What a hot time that was. This must have been hot guys get in for half price month or something, because the hotties were virtually falling from the rafters! Everywhere I looked, there was another hot, shirtless stud to drool over. The music was thumping, the men were humping. It was an all around super time. A great way to celebrate my twenty-seventeenth Birthday, for sure!

Of course, there was no Saliva Pit this month, so I missed out on that action. I wonder if the lack of a Saliva Pit had anything to do with a certain person's mysterious absence from the night's festivities? Could he in fact be the Saliva Pit boss? Hmmmm....

Oh well, there's always next month.

Who What I Want For My Birthday

2007-08-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

I'll be turning 37 years old this Sunday, August 12th. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. 37? Why, he doesn't even look a day over 35. I know. It's so true!

Anyway, if you see me out and about on the town, here is a list of gift suggestions that shouldn't set you back all that much financially...

Porn... preferably home-made porn starring you!
Bare ass spankings.
Lots of kisses... with tongue.
A butt massage.
Nipple licks.
Bear hugs.
Penis rubs.
Armpit tickles.
A good old fashioned teabagging.
A hairy man orgy.
A hand job.
A hot, hungy mouth...

That's about all I can think of right now. If I come up with anything else, I'll be sure to let you know.

Oh, by the way, according to the real age calculator, I am only going to be 18 years old this Sunday. (Thanks to Sarah for tipping me off to that!)

18 years old? Wow! That means that I am in the sexual prime of my life. I'm a horny teenager again!

Look out world, here I ~~cum~~ come!

I Got Crabs!

2007-08-08T08:48:00.000-05:00

No, not from that super hot, sexy, hairy trick in Rehoboth Beach this weekend.

I'm talking about this kind of crabs:

I went crabbing with a friend on his boat on the Wye River yesterday. It was a lot of fun. A lot of work too though. We used crab traps. The kind you drop in the water, let it sit and then come back in a bit and pull up the trap and see if you have captured any little crabbies. We had 30 traps out in the water all in a line.

Since there was no way I was going to try to drive the boat (scenes from On Golden Pond were flashing through my mind), it was my job to pull up the traps. All 30 of them. While the boat was moving along. Over and over and over again. Every time we'd get to the end of the line of traps, we'd go back to the beginning and start it all over again. I got quite a workout, and today I have muscle aches in places where I didn't even know I had muscles.

We ended up catching a little over a half bushel of crabs. Not the best haul ever from the Wye River, but not bad for a few hours work either. I even managed to catch a terrapin in one of the traps one time. That was pretty cool!

We took our haul home and steamed 'em up, poured on the Old Bay seasoning and started cracking. I have to admit that crabs are not my favorite food though. Not because I don't like the taste. They're delicious. I just can't stand all that work. You really have to dig to get the meat out of the darn things. I usually feel like it's a whole lot of effort for not too much reward.

Oh well, it was a fun day nonetheless.

Buddy the dog likes crabs too!

This picture of Mumi has nothing at all to do with the crab story above.
I just think he's hot!

Beach, Please!

2007-08-06T22:10:00.000-05:00

We had a great time this weekend with our bestest friends Tim and Donn in Rehoboth Beach. They are the nicest guys that we know. Hanging out with them is always a treat. The weekend was filled with hot sandy beaches, hot weather, hot men and, of course, hot monkey sex!

I also learned some things this weekend. I learned that I am not a bear. Nor am I a bear cub. Apparently, I am an otter. A couple of really hot muscle bears that we were staying with explained it all to me. I must admit that I was very disappointed to find out that I was not a bear. I was almost tempted to start eating six dozen doughnuts a day until I became a bear just so I wouldn't have to be an otter any more. I really didn't want to be an otter. It's just not the animal that I want to be associated with. So, Mumi eventually decided that I would be a monkey from now on, like him. I can deal with that.

On Saturday night, we met up with a guy from Virginia named Jeremy. We had been chatting with him online for a few days last week and, coincidentally, he happened to be staying in Rehoboth on the same weekend that we were. He's 30 years old, very hairy, extremely sexy and a perfect Southern gentleman. We brought him back to the trick room and got to know him a little better. There was a lot of kissing and possibly some nakedness going on, but that's about all that I can divulge about that. There are some pictures out there somewhere too, but I have been sworn to secrecy as to their whereabouts.

Jeremy certainly made our stay in Rehoboth a very memorable one. In fact, Mumi and I both agreed that if we were ever to try out the thruples lifestyle, we would only consider it if Jeremy agreed to be our third. Only catch is that Jeremy is married... to a woman... And, he has two children.

Wow!

That sucks!

Wow!

2007-07-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

What a crazy few days! This is definitely turning out to be one crazy summer. Lots of trips, lots of coasters, lots of concerts. And, I'm loving every minute of it!

We had an awesome time at Carowinds, Six Flags Over Georgia and Dollywood. Took way too many pictures to post here, so you can check 'em out on flickr if you'd like. (The G-rated ones that is!)

Tomorrow, it's off to another Amusement Park. We're headed to Kings Dominion with our coworkers. Should be a fun time.

Then, this weekend, we're finally getting to Rehoboth Beach. We're staying with our great pals, Tim & Donn. They're so nice. They're going to let us stay in the "trick room." This particular bedroom has a separate entrance into and out of the house, so we can sneak tricks in and out. So, anyone planning on being at Rehoboth this weekend, let us know. Maybe we can sneak you in!

Of course, I just couldn't stop riding roller coasters so early in the summer, so I already have another trip planned on August 13th through the 16th. This time, it's up to Northern New York (Buffalo, Rochester, Albany) to four different parks in three days. Mumi is so over the whole roller coaster thing, so I am going on this trip alone. Unless, of course, anyone out there wants to come along. Seriously, let me know. Mumi doesn't like the idea of me going all that way by myself.

Hopefully, your summer is playing out as smashingly as mine is. If not, you'd better get to working on it. You only live once. Do what you want to do while you still can. You won't regret it!

Never Did Like Bruce Springsteen All That Much

2007-07-25T05:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a fun day at Carowinds. The park was not that busy, so there were hardly any lines. We rode all of the coasters in less than three hours. Well, all of the coasters except for Thunder Road. It was closed! Figures. Oh well, that just means that we'll have to come back next year!

I did manage to get a ride on Hey Arnold's Taxi Chase. It's a kiddie coaster, so you have to have a child with you to ride. They are very strict about this rule for some reason, so I had to temporarily kidnap a little kid in order to ride. It's amazing how generous North and South Carolinians can be with their children though. They were more than happy to send the child off with a complete stranger to ride a roller coaster.

Ah well, at least I got another notch in my coaster riding belt! I should hit the 200 mark by the end of this year!

All Around The Vagina Loop

2007-07-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

455 miles, seven hours, forty three minutes and one speeding ticket later, we have arrived at our first destination on the Vagina Loop Junket*.

We are at a hotel across the street from Carowinds Amusement Park in South Carolina.

Tomorrow, we will go to Carowinds, and we will ride lots of roller coasters. I am thrilled beyond words.

More later...

*Yes, that is what V.L. Junket stands for. Vagina Loop Junket. The actual route that we are driving to get to all of the different parks looked like a big 'ol vagina to my untrained, gay, vagina avoiding eyes. Just turn your head sideways and look at it. You'll see.

See, I told you so!